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Originally Posted by Gname
My concern is that her OM is very resourceful and also supported by money. As per his ex-wife's lawyer, this guy has a history for fraud such as signing for others, etc.


The facts/evidence can trump resourcefulness and money. Fraud often gets a person imprisoned. Ammunition to you.


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Originally Posted by Gname
Y'day the OM mother texted me to provide my wife's number. She wanted to speak. I learned from his mother that my wife did not pick up the phone.

Can you tell the mother to try different ways to call WW' phone.g. use a different number WW does not know, hide caller ID, call by Skype to the number, call from someone's office/home? The end goal is to have OM's mother get through to WW no matter what it takes.


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Originally Posted by Gname
I just received a text message from OM -


Are you taking sets of screen shots of OM’ text and keeping them safe? He is digging his own hole by sending texts to you. He is giving you ammunition against him. He just admitted to adultery, scaring you, etc.
One way to keep records and private info is to set up a new secret Gmail email address and use the Google drive to store screen shots, texts, any recordings, emails, evidence, etc. You probably will not want WW to have access. She was in IT consulting and she may know all ways to hack your info.


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Originally Posted by WierdSituation
Originally Posted by Gname
I just received a text message from OM -


Are you taking sets of screen shots of OM’ text and keeping them safe? He is digging his own hole by sending texts to you. He is giving you ammunition against him. He just admitted to adultery, scaring you, etc.
One way to keep records and private info is to set up a new secret Gmail email address and use the Google drive to store screen shots, texts, any recordings, emails, evidence, etc. You probably will not want WW to have access.


Thank you! Yes, I am stacking them safely.

Originally Posted by WierdSituation
[quote=Gname]She was in IT consulting and she may know all ways to hack your info.


Thank you for the advice. She is too dumb/lazy for all these. She existed in IT due to this OM who was her manager for a brief period.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
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Update: My unfaithful spouse came home from the office today. I told her what all I messaged and spoke to the OM friends. She said she is tired now with all these, so stop.

My response was - the fun has started now. The guy thought that he can live peacefully. Unfortunately, the OM crossed a wrong guy.

She said that for sure she doesn't want to live with me.
I asked what is stopping you.
She said mutual agreement.
I said no mutual agreement.
I am not asking you to move out but you are free to will to go and file for divorce as you desire to move out. I also said I will see her in court and this will be ugly.
I told her that he threatened me with the immigration issue.
I told her that in case you speak him, ask him to save his citizenship (he is acquired a few years ago).


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
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Originally Posted by Gname
She is too dumb/lazy for all these. She existed in IT due to this OM who was her manager for a brief period.

Keep the antennas up. She can get help from OM or ex colleagues. When it comes to these situations people do the unthinkable.


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Originally Posted by Gname
I sent a facebook message to his brother, sister-in-law, sister and brother-in-law. I also reached out to six of his friends.


Gname, are you doing trickle exposure? I ma ybe wrong but I seem to sense this. How many OM's friends have you reached out to in total? How many people on WW's side have you reached out to? Is there something that is holding you from full/wide exposure? Time?

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Just keep up the exposures [if you are not done yet] and don't let his idle threats bother you.


Gname, keep this in mind.


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Originally Posted by Gname
Update: My unfaithful spouse came home from the office today. I told her what all I messaged and spoke to the OM friends. She said she is tired now with all these, so stop.

My response was - the fun has started now. The guy thought that he can live peacefully. Unfortunately, the OM crossed a wrong guy.

She said that for sure she doesn't want to live with me.
I asked what is stopping you.
She said mutual agreement.
I said no mutual agreement.
I am not asking you to move out but you are free to will to go and file for divorce as you desire to move out. I also said I will see her in court and this will be ugly.
I told her that he threatened me with the immigration issue.
I told her that in case you speak him, ask him to save his citizenship (he is acquired a few years ago).

Do you understand plan A? You need to be the best husband you can be who is fighting for his marriage. Don't be a bully. Your arguments should be that adultery is wrong, breakinh up a marriage will damage your kids and that you will do anyhing to save your marriage and keep adultery out.

Don't show her you are indifferent if she moves out. Be the best husband you can be. You can say that her adultery had hurt you and your children and that you are willing to create a fantastic marriage without OM in the picture. Paint the picture how your future will be without adultery. Don't scare her into staying married.
There are three ways to motivate someone. The worst option is punishment, the second option is reward/payment (like most jobs) and the best option is to make someone want to do it. Show her how good your marriage can be without adultery.

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Originally Posted by Gname
Originally Posted by MelodyLane


While you are doing everything to kill this affair [and it is dying from the exposure] you should present yourself as the best husband in the world. Don't fight with her, show her love. Commit yourself to create a happy, romantic marriage with her where both of your needs are met. She, of course, is blaming you for her affair [which is ridiculous] but you can use that as an opportunity to express your commitment to recovery. Tell her you don't want an unhappy marriage, you will do what it takes to make her happy.


I am also in another forum where they advised me to practice 180. My life has become better after following this otherwise she was just riding over me.

Take Melody's advice.

Stop doing 180 unless you want to make your wife miserable (and kill your chances of saving your marriage). Why would she stay with a husband that makes her feel miserable? Your strategy is to kill the affair and safe your marriage. Exposure is the best weapon to kill the affair. Plan A is the best way to show her that your marriage is worth saving. It you do 180, what would be her motivation to stay married?

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Our plan involves a) busting up her affair and b) attracting her back. The 180 does none of these things, in fact it pushes a detached wife farther away. Sure, it might feel better to give her the cold shoulder but that only makes the OM look more attractive. He is not giving her the cold shoulder. You really need to pick one program and stick with it, because a little of this and a little of that will get you nowhere.

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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
Do you understand plan A? You need to be the best husband you can be who is fighting for his marriage. Don't be a bully. Your arguments should be that adultery is wrong, breaking up a marriage will damage your kids and that you will do anything to save your marriage and keep adultery out.


Thank you Goodyshoe for the reminder for Plan A. This week was my breaking point. It may be also because for some reason she has backed off and been polite this week. The trigger point was the threat message coming from the OM. I had a late-night conversation with my unfaithful wife. Seems like they may have colluded on that message. I am personally seeing less hope in saving this marriage now. She is openly saying that I am talking to the OM on a daily basis and I will not stay. She just needs a mutual agreement for the divorce. I did put my share of love with her last night saying I feel bad that she is in the middle of this fight with the OM. Unfortunately, she is the one who started all these. I am not going to back down and have his life so easy.


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Relationship talk is of no use as long as she is in the affair. It is like arguing with a drunk, no good comes of it.

If she mentions something about what you did 'wrong', like exposure, respond by saying affairs are devastating and you want to build a wonderful future without adultery. Then switch to a different topic, the weather is wonderful, let's get an ice cream.

Have your responses and reactions ready. Don't have an angry outburst. Be a better, more attractive option than OM. If the affairs crumbles, she will fall back on your marriage, or divorce anyway. Be the best alternative. Read the love buster section, avoid them.

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Originally Posted by Gname
[quote=goody2shoes]She just needs a mutual agreement for the divorce. I did put my share of love with her last night saying I feel bad that she is in the middle of this fight with the OM. Unfortunately, she is the one who started all these. I am not going to back down and have his life so easy.


Gname, tell her you don't agree to divorce so there will no mutual agreement. You will only discuss how to make your marriage great. Tell her if this goes to divorce, you will let the lawyers duke that out. And be sure and tell her what I told you to tell her yesterday about filing on grounds of adultery and hauling the OM into court to give sworn testimony under oath about his adultery. I need you to read through the posts I made yesterday and tell her these things.

Are you reading my posts? It is extremely important that you hold your cool and be as attractive as possible while fighting the affair. You are in Plan A! Don't fight with her.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Gname, tell her you don't agree to a divorce so there will no mutual agreement. You will only discuss how to make your marriage great.


Yes, I have told her that mutual agreement is not a case at all. I have also told her that I am not asking to move out. In the same length, I have told her that if you want to go and file, I can't prevent that. On second thought, I should not have said this.

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Tell her if this goes to divorce, you will let the lawyers duke that out. And be sure and tell her what I told you to tell her yesterday about filing on grounds of adultery and hauling the OM into court to give sworn testimony under oath about his adultery. I need you to read through the posts I made yesterday and tell her these things.


I did tell her this y'day. And I told her that this divorce will not be easy on the OM. My intent is not to hurt the mother of my child but the scumbag who dragged her into this. This morning she said that I should come to peace as karma will catch for us both (WS and OM). I told her the message you wrote y'day.

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Are you reading my posts? It is extremely important that you hold your cool and be as attractive as possible while fighting the affair. You are in Plan A! Don't fight with her.


I am reading all your posts multiple times. Sometimes I go out of alignment as my emotions take over. Your suggestions are a lifeline for me at this time. Thank you so much for taking out time for all the suggestion/post you do for me.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
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Originally Posted by Gname


I am reading all your posts multiple times. Sometimes I go out of alignment as my emotions take over. Your suggestions are a lifeline for me at this time. Thank you so much for taking out time for all the suggestion/post you do for me.


Thanks, Gname. I understand completely how hard it is to maintain control of your emotions. But you must maintain control and be strategic. Your wife and the OM have no plan, but you do. They are flying by the seat of their pants.

Quote
My intent is not to hurt the mother of my child but the scumbag who dragged her into this.


Your intent is to prevent your wayward wife from destroying your marriage and your children's family for her sleazy affair. I want to point out that you are not dealing with your normal wife,, you are dealing with a WAYWARD WIFE who is intoxicated on an affair. You should liken her to a drunk driver who is driving with her family in the back seat. She is selfish and destructive.

Quote
This morning she said that I should come to peace as karma will catch for us both (WS and OM).


Your wife desperately wants you to roll over and be "friends" while she and the OM destroy your lives. The cheaters want you to make it easy for THEM. They don't care about the wreckage caused by their selfishmess. Just keep making it clear you won't be cooperating. There is no virtue in allowing selfish adulterers to tear apart 2 families. They have destroyed one family and are now coming after yours.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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So difficult to follow Plan A on days especially when your unfaithful wife openly starts admitting that talking to OM and possibly meeting. It's depressing.


Father of 2 beautiful daughters
Ethnicity: Indian
Betrayed Spouse (Father)
DDay - 16 April 2019
Length of the wife's affair - not revealed by wife yet but proof available for a minimum of 2 years and a max of 3.
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Originally Posted by Gname
So difficult to follow Plan A on days especially when your unfaithful wife openly starts admitting that talking to OM and possibly meeting. It's depressing.


I would ask her to stop seeing him. Say "it hurts me and the kids very much when you associate with your adultery partner. Please stop hurting me." I would bring this up in front of your kids too. Your kids need to know she is still seeing the enemy of their family.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Gname
So difficult to follow Plan A on days especially when your unfaithful wife openly starts admitting that talking to OM and possibly meeting. It's depressing.

Dr. Harley recommends talking to your doctor about getting on temporary ADs (anti-depressants) or anti-anxiety meds during Plan A.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thank you Brian and Melody.

Question - what are the sign that unfaithful wife is coming out of Fog and her affair is crumbling?


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She's still in contact with him. She will not come out of the fog until some time after all contact ceases.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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