Chris, My W and the OP have no idea that she is seeing me to go over the phone records. The intention for for HER husband.
I understand.
You were asking her to do it to get a reaction out of her h. Even though she may not be familiar with MB principles, you telling her to do this for this reason goes directly against MB and is not a good thing for a relationship.

If she were to dress normally like this, then it would not be a problem. But doing it to try and make him jealous is not good.

Also, sometimes a ws will try & get the bs to date so they can justify their actions. So if he even thinks she is seeing someone, even casually, then it may have the opposite affect of pushing him farther away from her.

Keep everything above the table.

Hi Chris,

I think I saw the getting all dolled up as one of the 180 steps, even if it's to go to the store. Basically to get her H to wonder.

Ladysheep

Hi Rookie,

Good move. Probably shouldn't talk to her at all
at the football game. Keep your distance from her there at all times. Remember her last false accusation was at a previous football game a few weeks ago. What are you going to do if she walks up to you and tries talking to you there?
It would be good to have a plan of how to deal w/
that. What do ya think?

Ladysheep

I realize that. But trying to mislead is not part of MB priniples. I don't belive it is part of Divorce Busting 180 either.

The 180 is simply doing things opposite of what the you have been doing, because what you have been doing hasn't had any affect.
If you have been calling them all the time, don't call them.
If you sit at home all day, go out and do something.
But again, it is not to give the appearance that you are dating (or even thinking about it.)

I did give that impression of going out once, did not do it again.

I did e-mail her back, told her I would not talk to her unless it pertained to my son or finances and that she should not come to football.

I did add that I would talk to her when the A is over and OP is out of the picture. I also added I loved her as she ws before the A.

Sorry to post so often, my way of venting and keeping a journal as to what is going on.

The realetors are to start showing the house tomorow.

My W, when she moved out took her personel belonngs and the sons, but left a immense amount of other items, such as her old clothing, hygeine products, jewelry and things that have been in the basement since we've been here, 12 years.

I have been fixing some of the rooms up, painting and such and havent had much time to clean, which I have been keeping up with, but not to the point I would like to show the home to sell it.

I looked into getting my son into therapy a couple weeks ago and he will start soon, next week.

I have football with him daily, Mon-Turs, 5P to 7:30 Pm., by the time I drive him to his mom's place and get home it's 8:15 Pm.

Seems like the W forgot she has any responcibilites at all. I guess that is what a good mother and good person (as she put it in a e-mail the othere day) does, is abandon everyone but her boyfriend.

No need to apologize for posting because venting here is better than venting to your W.

What are your plans for the weekend?

TMCM
Tomorow I have to clean, big time, to show the house over the weekend. I will probably put all of her belongings together and leave them in the driveway of her parents home, cut the grass, change the oil on the car.

Saturday I am getting together with the OP's wife, she wants to reveiw the cell phone records that I have of the W's cell. I am then going to the county fair with my daughter, her husband and my older son. The Op's W wants to give him the impression that she is dating and she is also going. Believe me when I say that I have NO INTEREST in her and I have told her such, that we could go just to get away from the insanity for awhile. I used to work with her and have known her for quite awhile.

Besides, with my kids there, no one could make any accusations. Saturday is the OP's birthday and it is his day to have the son, the OP's W wants him to have the son so the W (mine) and him cant go out to celebrate the b-day, they will have to do it on another day, but....

I sent her a e-mail asking her to pick up her items. She claims she will not be here if I am.

She also felt it necesay to tell me that the divorce papers hould be in the mail tomorow.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">rookie:

"Believe me when I say that I have NO INTEREST in her and I have told her such, that we could go just to get away from the insanity for awhile. I used to work with her and have known her for quite awhile."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I beleive you rookie, but I can't say the same for the OM's W. She may end up developing the warm fuzzies for you if you are not careful in observing boundaries such as not going out with her often. So be very careful with this very vulnerable woman.

So, since she said that she has filed for a divorce, what would be the best course of action, besides contacting my attorney.

Should I just let it play out or is there something else I can do.

I am lost here folks........

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>I am lost here folks........</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since you ask this is my suggestion 2 U:
1. Strick plan B, no but or if.
2. Stay away from OMW, only exchange Info.
3. Talk to your lawyer.
4. Lay low.

-rh-

ditto to what redhat said.

My attorney, who was a friend of mine while I was on the PD and I met this morning.

I did ask him to drag the divorce out for as long as possible in the event the W has a change of heart. First question he asks is why would you want someone back who has had a affair, your just waiting to have it happen again, this is from a divorce attorney.

None the less, even though I have anger towards her for what she has done, with the house for sale, seeing the attorney and such I can still say there are still feelings of love for her.

After all the crap I dont know how that is possible, but I know somewhere behind the fog is still the woman I married and love.

Funny, while this all was going on, she told me that her feelings have changed for me in the last couple of years, I know fog talk, I found a letter she had written to me a couple years back, it was a love letter in the truest form, she stated how much I meant to her and that I was her world and how much her family meant to her, this was after 13 years of marriage and she still felt that way.

Amazes me how when the OP came into the picture our marital history was changed.

I would not wish the feelings this situation has caused on my worst enemy.

If I have to, I will get over it, but I know there will always be a void there that my W has left.

Good move rookie in telling your attorney to stall the divorce, not just because of any hopes of her seeing the light and wanting to rebuild the M, but also because it will give you time to continue to heal and if the time does come for you to divorce her and move on, you won't be haunted by any leftover feelings of love afterwards.

Rookie I'm almost certain that there will be another talk with your WW in the near future, although there shouldn't be because you're in Plan B. If and when that next talk occurs, consider conveying to her the following:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wife every day that you continue having contact with the OM, is one more day that more of my love for you DIES. Eventually all of my love for you will die and I will no longer have any desire to remain married to you. That is NOT an ultimatum but a statement of FACT. These 'talks' do nothing but speed up that loss of love. Please DO NOT contact me again</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hopefully that will get the message across in her mind as to the importance of her observing and respecting your Plan B no contact.

Funny, I got a call from the WW last night, I let her do most of the talking.

She states that since I contacted her work there is NO WAY she can ever come back to the marriage.

She also told me what a good person and mother she is. She does this pretty regularlt latley. I guess if you put the OP infront of your son, marriage and everything els this does qualify you as GOOD, if she keeps telling herself this, someday she might actually believe this.

Meantime, I'm stuck with showing the house for sale, keeping is in show condition, taking care of our son all day and her responcibilities are nill.

Vent.

While I'm not telling you to discount her words, I would question why she felt the need to call you and tell you these things. I get the impression that she is having a personal crisis where she knows that she has NOT been a good person and a good mother and she was trying to convince herself that she was by calling you up.

TMCM, that was my thoughts exactly, someone who repeats that they are a good person over and over is only trying to convice themselves.

Other point I noted after the last message was that if she was so humiliated by work being contacted about the A, how is it possible that she can still work there with everyone knowing about the A, people would have much more respect for her if she tried to work her problems in the marriage out rather than continuing to be involved with a married man. But it is one excuse after another.

She knows in her heart what she is doing is wrong, otherwise, why keep repeating I am a good person/mother. I dont buy it.

"thou doth protest to much!" Willy B (not to be confused with Willie Nelson, LOL) said it 500 years ago and it's as true now as it was then.

here's the thing though. why are you speaking with her at all? why is she calling you? 'cause she's afraid of loosing you! i'd bet anything on it!

man....what you need to do now is disconnect! just do it! if you think that you've herd the end of this thing from her you are sooooo wrong! this lady isn't finished with you yet...not by a long run.

if you stay cool now...showing yourself to be a mature man ready to move on with his life...she will be back. the question is will *YOU* still want her?

coach