</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>Seems like part of Plan B might be working.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't consider you in plan B at all ... Like TMCM said, she just put the blame on you and justify her action ... and she got you again.

-rh-

Yep, thought agout your posts, you guys are correct.

I have to fully agree, she has never been at fault for anything.

red, has been pretty much plan B'ing pretty good lately, only times I have spoken to her have been in regards to the little guy or finances, nothing further.

Rookie:
Didn't take it as cold at all. The drinking really makes ti impossible to deal with them on almost any level. Even when she is not drinking, the fog takes over.

I put my faith in the hands of these experienced people. Has it been a long road ?. Without a doubt. Painful? Yes. But after following the Plan A/B concept I can say it works beautifully.

Naturally, I am disappoimted the marriage did not succeed, but I know I can move on with my sons.
There is light at the end of the tunnel....just make sure it isn't a freight train, ok Rookie?
Also a little Earth,Wind and Fire might help.

Something is going on, today she calls again to reinterate the reasons she cant come home,initailly I hung up on her as she was sporting for a fight. After the 6th call, I have to apologize for this, but, I let her have it how she ruined my retirement, my daughter's wedding, had a affiar when I needed her most after the surgery for cancer and had the nerve to serve as the maid of honor at the daughter's wedding while she was having a A, and how cold that was knowing she was leaving.

I told her I could walk away from this marriage knowing I did everything possible to saveit while she did nothing but continue her affair and destroy lives,that she was going to have to live the rest of her life knowing that she did so and that the guilt was never going to subside knowing she was a liar and a cheat, that she would never get rid of the guilt.

I know I should not have done this, I could not hold it in anymore and the calls were getting crazy, I hung up to avoid such a confrontation.

Anyhow, tonight at 7:10 Pm., while I am at my son's football practice she calls and asks if she should pick him up, I said no, do not come, practice ends at 7:30 there would be no sense in her coming at that time and added it would be nice if she would pick him up once in awhile and let me know in advance if she was going to do so, so that,Icould leave and eat dinner for a change, and hung the phone up again.

7:30 Pm., she shows up saying she did not know if I wanted her to pick up the son or not as I hung up and did not give her a answer, I KNOW she heard me say no, not to come.

I dont know what is on her mind, but it is making me crazy and I dont want to engage her anymore in this insanity.

One funny thing did happen today, I found out the phone number of the OP's new cell phone that he and the wife have to communicate. His message is
I WISH WE WERE TOGETHER, so this phone is the exclusive phone they use to carry on, anyhow I did call his W and gave her the number, she called him and talked casually about their son, I would have paid money to see his face when she called him on that number.

His wife stated that as of late he has been very depressed and has been drinking more than he has in the past. Sounds like the W is going to have a good life.

rookie,

Plan B the best you can ... you are still talking & meeting with her. You know that you are a better choice than OM. Deep down your WW knows it too ... so find a way to avoid her. Also Plan B full of LB is the worst you can do. It will just harden your WW's heart and this is what we call it "not making it safe for WS to come home". Your plan B is working if you just let it develops.

-rh-

Agree redhat, last night when she showed for the game, I refused to discuss anything, I entered my car and drove away.

This morning I did email her in regards to visitation with my son, since school is back in session, I want alternating weekends and ended it there.

Well, tonight in a attempt to keep my motorcycle I went out and bought a new car, with the rebates and such it lowered my monthly payment, so just maybe I can keep it now.

felt good to do something for myself for a change, and without her. She tried to use the signing of the title of the old car for the new one as a bargaininng chip, saying she would sign off on the car if I signed the divorce papers as soon as they came, told her I was not signing anything till the attorney reviewed everything and was in agreement, she wants out bad, but I wonder how she is going to feel 6 mos to a year from now.

When at the dealorship, found out she just has to sign for the transfer of the plates, anyhow just trying to move on.

Hi Rookie,

I'm glad to see you are doing something good for
yourself. It's important to nuture yourself too!! Well it looks like your getting things in order and using wisdom to do it. Proud of ya!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

As for: ....but I wonder how she is going to feel 6 months to a yr from now?
I think she is making a big mistake and eventually she is going to feel it.

Ladysheep

Thanks Lady, One part of me wants her back so bad tht it hurts.

The other makes me wonder why I stayed with her so long.

It is very strange in tht the person she is now is nothing like the person she really is,, guess that would be deep, deep down inside.

Still hurts like hell to even look at her nd to talk to her is even worse.

It bothers me to no end that I did nothing to nurture this A, but I am getting total blame for the divorce, it's all my fault.

Hi Rookie,

I understand completely.

It is very strange in that the person she is now is nothing like the person she really is, guess that would be deep, deep down inside.
Adultery has a way of really changing a person for the worst, morally and personality wise.
You are seeing her whole spirit and soul change and that is very difficult to watch. But it is what is happening. She is suppressing the truth right now. Until she gets to the point of confession, and turning away from it, you will see her the way she is now. But if she confesses
it and turns away, she has a very good chance of returning to be the woman that you knew and loved/love so much.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Well, have not called her for anything last couple days.

She has called about five times today, I sent her a email stating it was too painful for me to speak with her and that the only communications I would have with her was by email and only in regards to my son or finances, soo, she blocked her caller ID and called again, hung up on her.

She keeps asking the same questions repeatedly concerning our son and I have answered them via:email, so it is not a misunderstanding as to what I have said. She is trying to engage me in arguements AGAIN.

I have also stated in the email, that since she has accused me of mental abuse, email was the only way to communicate as I was not going to be falsely accused of saying or doing anything else, the email would be my documentation against any further false claims.

Vent

Today is my son's football game. I am going as I would always attend one of his functions.

The WW will be there, she sent me a email yesterday suggesting that we alternate games so we do not have contact or create a enviorment for the son.

I replied that I love my son and will do all, as always to support him, I will be at the game.

I am praying for the stregnth to not engage this woman, she has been sporting me lately for a arguement, with the divorce pending, I can only surmise that it is to justify her affair and what a terrible person I am. God give me the stregnth to ignore her on all levels today when I am there.

Even with all that has happened, when I see her I know the pain of what has happended, and the love which I still hold for her is going to be reignited, even though the loneliness is overwhelming, there has been some comfort in the fact that the affair has not been thrown in my face on a daily basis since she has moved out.

I have not dated, but, I am missing the intimacy of someone in my life so bad at this point.

Last night I woke from a dream that I was holding her, the dream was very real, talk about depression to wake in a empty bed....

God give me the courage to carry on...

Vent................

rookie,

Hang in there brother ... and have faith. The end of the tunnel is actually under your control. It could be a light of enlightenment (either your M is salvage or your sanity would be for years to come) or the light of train wreck that would wreck your humanity.

-rh-

Saw her at the game and spoke with her briefly, tore my heart out to see her.

I handed her a check that was to be split from a mutual fund to pay for this adventure.

She did accuse me of making prank phone calls to her while the game was in progress, even though I was standing in the open area of the field, with no phone on me.

I did tell her this whole situation is killing me and that when the insanity stops, I will be there.

Rookie;

I know you still care about her. But, are you not in Plan B? You are either in Plan B or you are not.

And, to make statements to her like "when the insanity stops, I will be there"... is insane in itself. To me, this would only enable her more to continue what she is doing and defeats the purpose of Plan B.
Your financial business is certainly yours, but I wouldn't give my wife a dime anymore. I did this several times and it cured nothing. If anything, she abused me more. It was at that point I decided to file for Custody/Support. Again, I think what you are doing is defeating Plan B.
If you are hoping that money will bring her back, I can assure you it will not.
I suggest getting legal advice before you turn any joint property over to her. JMHO.

Hi Rookie,

I know it must be so difficult to see her, and when you do it brings all those feelings and more back.
But.....
It seems every time you get near your wife face to face, she accuses you of something, or manipulates. That is why we all encourage you
to stay in a Plan B status, to avoid the hurt
she brings to you, and to hold her accountable.

It is up to you what money you give her. But it would be good to stay with giving money that is
needed only for the son. By handing it to her
face to face, it only causes her to dig and try to cause more pain. And you are right it is insanity. I don't think it was wrong to tell her that, but if in plan B, you can stop her
from making any accusations to your face, therefore causing less pain to you. And it lets
her know you will not tolerate what she is doing to you and family. And hopefully any affair will stop. Maybe it would be best to mail the money or get it to her some other way w/out having to speak to her.

Plan B is difficult, but you have to be strong and stand your ground through it, no matter how much it hurts and how difficult it is.

I know you sent her a plan B letter before, but maybe you could send her another copy of it to remind her, and possibly add a few more things.
Then stick to that plan like a "Rock." What do you think?

Ladysheep

Hey Rookie I know exactly what you are going through. You are in my prayers. Please check out www.rejoiceministries.org and sign up for the daily email from charlynecares. It's real inspirational.

I only gave her 50 percent of the mutual fund that I cashed as it was a asset that I was going to have to give to her anyway, this is according to my attorney as it was marital property.

The reason I gave it to her was I was at the football game my son was playing in and she was slo there, I simply handed her that check,(a cashiers so I had a record of the payment to her) made the statement about ending the insaity and walked away.

Today I had my son, when I picked him up she came to the door, I said nothing, as I turned to leave, she says you cant even say hello or goodbye, I said no, and I know I should not have added this, but said you broke my heart, I have nothing else to say to you and left. I guess I should learn to be more social.

Just wanted to add, that I cashed the mutual fund to pay my attorney fees, not that she needed the money, I was just giving her her, her half.

Rookie - I'm with you and feel for what your going through.

I'm still amazed at how some WS react when they up and leave.

We as BS's here things like - "I love him" - "I don't love you" - "it's over" - "he's my soul mate"

Yet the WS or WW in our cases act totaly differant than someone who says there so happy and have found everything they ever wanted.

Your WW try's to pick fights with you just to talk to you. Time for Plan B - IMHO

My WW can't talk about anything regarding us or the affiar. Total avoidance. No marriage with me, no friendship with me, just no me. Running from the problems or just avoid them is her MO. WOW kind of like our marriage issues.

All we can do is work on ourselves and hope.