</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>Just wanted to add, that I cashed the mutual fund to pay my attorney fees, not that she needed the money, I was just giving her her, her half.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No you don't need to give it to her right now ... you just "owe" her half and you could just put the money aside & settled it later. Now she will spend it w/ OM. From the beginning you sabotage your own plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> At this rate, you make it difficult for recovery if that would come.

-rh-

previously posted by redhat:
Now she will spend it with OM. From the beginning you sabotage your own plan B.
Ohhhhhh Rookie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Maybe I should clarify this, I needed the monies for my attorney and she for her apartment.

Yep, if I think about it, it is for the OM, but I am getting the court order that the OM cannot reside there.

rookie,

I don't mean being harsh ...

I have helped OM's ExW to "move on". I was pretty much stay away from her and adviced her to do plan B ... but she was unable to do so. Her IC gave up on her since her conselor told her to NC to no avail. About last March she told me she won't take ExH back but she "needs" help to detach from him. I told her to keep the contact and just listen to her vent. Last weekend finally she is out of her own "fog". She won't do plan B but she is pretty much come to her own senses and her LB$ was bankrupt. She is fully detached now and she won't take ExH back no matter. LB points after LB points ... I just helped her to supply the info for her ... finally last week ExH took vacation w/o telling her and avoiding to take his own children even being offered ... ExH went to camping w/ my ExW and my 2 D instead .... My 2 D rebelled and make it a camping from hell plus there is lightening storm ... they have to cut short their trip a day earlier. ExH told his son that he would come home if she lost 40 lbs of weight to become 120 lbs and put his name back on the deed of the house ... She decides that she don't want this man no more. Now she understood when I told her that there would be a point when it is up to her to if she still want him or not ... 8 months ago she told me until the pig fly it would never happen since my ExW is OW from hell (using MB principals to gain OM). Last week was the day. My point is A will end !, you know your WW is insane right now ... dealing/listening/following her action would drained your LB$ ... .

-rh-

redhat, I could not agree with you more. Her A has followed the plot as I have said before like a bad soap opera, it has also gone the path as described here exactly.

When and if the time ever comes that she decides enough is enough, I dont know if she will try to come back as she has never been known to be wrong, at least in her view., her pride will never allow her to admit anything wrong.

You are very much correct that she has LB'd the hell out of me.

rookie,

It is never too late to plan B. It really works. If you choose to take her back if she is ever turn around ... you would preserve you "good" memory of your M before d-day and make reconsiliation possible and easier. If you choose not to take her no matter what happen ... you would get stronger by day and prep you to move on as a single man. I know my if I break my NC and start plan A my ExW I would get her. They start LB each other "big time". Remember both of them bring their own baggage into their A which they try to make it as R ... it won't work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . As Love is a choice I choose not to and I have decided to start fresh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Have faith ... it is easier to win a jackpot in Las Vegas than making A into R then into M let alone fullfilling one, fat chance !. A will end but you have to detach yourself to outlast this.

-rh-

I agree redhat, I HAVE to stay away from her.

When she picks up the son from my house, I am not going out, when I drop him off, I will just drive off.

Last night when she picked up the son, she exited her vehicle, there was no reason to do so, but I just waved and closed the door.

Seeing her is a very emotional thing for me still, I just want to shout at her "get your head out of your [censored] and see what you are doing", but as she is so deep into the fog, it would do no good.

I firmly believe she tries to engage me in arguements simply to justify her affair, I avoid those as much as I can.

I can see in her face that she is not that all happy, somewhere in that thick skull there is alot of guilt floating around.... someday she just might wake up, hope it's not to late.

She knows she and the OP are not going to be welcomed by her family, as I have spoken with them and they have stated so, he has no family in the area, our mutual friends want nothing to do with her and his friends are the same (according to his W) so, they really have no one but them selves, Being the selfish, selfcentered people they are at this moment, that should make for a lasting, loving relationship.

Hi Rookie,

I can see in her face that she is not all that happy....
Nope, she's not!!

Being the selfish, selfcentered people they are at this moment, that should make a lasting loving relationship.
Nope, I don't think so. I'm glad her family and friends are not condoning the A, it will help it break off that much sooner, we hope!!

Stay in plan B, and be strong, even during the tears. Ask God to help you forgive her even now.
No matter what she is doing now, it will help your heart in the long run to forgive. Doesn't mean you have to contact her, speak to her, or condone. Forgiveness just helps your heart heal.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rookie:
<strong>She knows she and the OP are not going to be welcomed by her family, as I have spoken with them and they have stated so, he has no family in the area, our mutual friends want nothing to do with her and his friends are the same (according to his W) so, they really have no one but them selves, Being the selfish, selfcentered people they are at this moment, that should make for a lasting, loving relationship.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you gave her plan B letter ? ... it is a requirement. Otherwise you will look mean plus she might not know what you want in the mist of her fog, wriiten is the best.

You see rookie ... it tooks hardship in their A to crack. My ExW's starts cracked by financial hardship. I poped her bubble by getting "laid off" and it is a big LB for her now to go to work ... very unhappy la la land ... OM start pisshed off since he has to help ExW but he has to scrape the bottom of his pocket. Reality would give another blow to her ... she thought she would get at least 75K$ from the settlement, not !. I would give them about 2 more months before it becomes full blown LB.

As long as she is not filing Dv it is up to you to outlast this A.

-rh-

Lady, I should carigy one point here.

The family that is not supporting her is her extended family, uncle, aunt and cousins. Her parents are still of the belief that the realationship between her and the OP is simply a FRIENDSHIP, I dont know how far they can stick their heads in the sand, but they have managed.

MIL is having surgery on Friday for breast cancer. I did send her a e-mail wishing her the best and asvising her should she need anything, I would be willing to assist.

I have never been a religous person in the sense that I have attended organized services, but I do have a beleif in a high power and I do pray daily, one for this issue to be resolved and hopefully she comes out of the fog soon and if she doesnt, that I have the stregnth to do what I have to do and carry on with my life.

Rookie

redhat, she has filed for a divorce and it is in the court system now.

I did send her a plan B letter about a month ago, she is very much aware of my feelings towards her.
Her fog is way to thick now for her to even think a coherant thought.

Here is a new one.

Today I get a call from the therapist my ten year old son is seeing.

She stated that he has a major concern over the fact that I have a gun in the house. I inquired as to what the concern was since I was a police officer and there has been a gun in the house since he was born and he never voiced a concern over it before. She would not answer the question, my son was in the room with her.

I can only assume at this point that he has heard a conversation between my W and the in-laws, or someone else she was talking to.

This explains the reason her therapist told her to leave me as soon as possible, she must have spun one helluva tale, I never figured that one out till now. It makes complete sense.

I have never displayed a gun in my home, never have threatened anyone or anything with violence, if she claims I have it is complete, unadulterated B.S,.

This is getting crazier as it goes along, they now have me potrayed as a major lunatic, it really upsets me that it is affecting my son and my relationship with him.

It also explains why the OP told HIS wife that he was worried I was going to put a bullet in his head, could'nt beleive that when I heard that one also, but, I guess she is going to say whatever she can to justify her A.

Wow Rookie, You should ask the therapist to call you at a later time when son is not in the room.
This way you can explain to her what is "really"
going on.

Ladysheep

Lady, I am going to see what my son has to say. I have him for the weekend.

I cannot push the conversation about this with him, he is only ten, but I am going to ask him what his concerns are about the gun issue to see what he has to say.

If he does not want to answer, I can not push the issue, he has enough things going on in his head at the moment without me seeming to be prying or placing him in the middle.

When I spoke with the therapist on the phone I did state that the gun is not loaded, the ammunition is located in a completely differant location than the gun. I also stated that the gun has never been displayed in a threatening manner, he has seen it, but never in any fashion to cause concern.

The whole thing boils down to the W, she has to justify her A and is saying anything at this point to justify her actions. I am a horiible person with violent tendencies who is mentally and physically abusive, hence, she has every right in the world to have a boyfriend and to aviod any contact with me, and ws forced to move out. I am sure she has not told to many people that I asked her to leave after she would not end her affair.

She does not realize the damage she is doing to her son and his relationship with me by spinning this tale of terror. He will some day realize the dynamics of it all and she will have to face the reality of HER actions and words with him, that will not be pleasant in the least. Right now FOG is directing her actions.

Hi Rookie,

What I mean is that your son is obviously bringing up talk about the gun. I think it
may be imparative for you to let the therapist
know that W could be saying things around him, that are not true.
Such as OP making an accusation to his wife that he is afraid you would put a bullet in his head.
WHAT IF YOUR SON HEARD HIM SAY THAT OR YOUR WIFE???
What I'm saying, if your son is over hearing your wife speak of such things or the OM saying such things, that may be where your sons fear (or major concern) of the gun may come from.
Letting the therapist know this is very important, then she will know how to treat him
in therapy. But son does not need to know you spoke w/ her.

Let the therapist know that your wife says such untrue things to try to justify her affair w/ OM.

Yes your right, I too think it is important to ask your son his concern of the gun such as....Are you afraid of the gun? Did someone say something to scare you about the gun? And then listen to his answer.

Ladysheep

I did speak with my son on Sat. in regards to the gun. He stated that he just did not feel comfortable with it being here and would not elaborate any further. I did not push for a answer.

I did see the W at my son's football game today, I was standing on the 50 yard line and she on the 10, I did not approach her or speak to her. My mother was with me and the W would not even approach her to say hello.

I have spoken with her parents many times since this whole tihing started and she cannot even acknowledge my mother, funny, when you are embarassed by what you are doing, it must be the right thing to do.

Hi Rookie!

Just caught up with your story. Sorry to hear that things aren't going any better than they are. I have been praying like a monk that it would get better for you... guess I need to step it up a notch.

Sounds like you are doing things right, except for a few slips here and there. Hopefully, before the papers are in order she will see the end of the fog. Is she still seeing the OM?

I hate to think about what she might be telling your son when he is with her. Does he confide in you any of this? She seems to be a great story-teller; but my guess is that is the fog creating lies and altering reality.

I hope that things change for you soon!

Take care and God Bless,

r0uter

rOuter, good to hear from you and very happy to see that you are not posting about problems at home.

Hope things are working for the better and your wife is comming around.

Had my son all weekend, I do not pressure him for any info from her angle, as I feel anything she is telling him isnt worth hearing anyhow. He also has his demons to deal with this issue and if I am constantly asking him about it, it just makes it all that much worse for him.

Thanks for the prayers, keep them comming, I have thought of you and your situation often and do ask the Lord to help you also.

She is very much in the fog state yet, so I do not see anything happening for quite awhile yet.
Just have to keep hanging in there.

Rookie,

read about it here: r0uter's story.

ROuter, I am sorry to see things go south for the time being for ya, I'll be thinking of ya and saying a prayer for ya.

Hang in there buddy, you still seem to be in a better position that I could dream of at this point.

Stay strong, stay healthy

Rookie