After 4.5 yrs my wife wrote me a letter that she does not have the same feelings for me. We have been having problems ever since I went to military training for 5 months. Our twins (2.5 yrs) were born right in the middle of my away time. Other issues suddenly became huge: my job, her employment, finances despite a rapid rise in my pay, $10 > $15 > $19/hr, needed purchases-furniture & beds, etc.. <P>I know I failed her in 3 of her basic needs, but she has been seeing a therapist for 4 months, is on anti-depressant & anti-anxiety and is clinically depressed w/ post traumatic stress syn. I am going through therapy w/ anti-depressant, but I'm just getting started. I am the one fighting for our marriage, although she has steadfastly agreed to go to marriage counseling.<P>She has been getting her emotional needs met by a coworker for months. I am upset and believe it is an emotional affair, but she is very trustworthy and honest in all aspects of our marriage. I am slightly less so.<P>I believe I deserve a chance to work on me, and I am, but I am feeling tortured by her. I never intended to hurt her and what she is doing by withdrawling feels intentional.<P>Living day-by-day in Tucson.<P>Spaz (Not Spaztic)!

Update: We went to our first 'Marriage Counselor' yesterday. I wasn't sure it was going to be effective during and after the session. Today my wife told me that she decided after the session that she had given up and would file for divorce.<P>I had read the article about 'How to find a good marriage counselor', and I had an idea what to watch out for. Dr. Harley was right, the counselor had us focus on one thing that we could develope in each of us. Nothing about our needs or helping her release the pain of my years of neglect. I was worried and she was convinced that he was no help.<P>I managed to turn our argument into conversation today and got her to read about 10 articles I had printed that pertained to our situation. She said she wanted 2 days to read it and one week to think about it. This and calling Marriage Builders for 'coaching' are my only and last hope I think. I have told her that even if she divorces me, I will always love her and if she ever has problems, that she can call me. I will welcome her back and initiate therapy/counceling. She will get all of my love that I can give.<P>It is almost over, but I am feeling much better about our resolve to not fight and work solutions out whether we stay married or not.<P>Spaz