I hate to admit this but I feel the love for my husband of 16 years dying a little more every day. It is so hard to keep trying to be positive when everything I say or do is taken in a negative way. I wish he would just leave. I find myself hoping that he will have an affair because then I would have an excuse to make him leave. Know what my worst fear is: It is that I would die before my daughters are grown and that they would have to live with him. He complains that I don't listen. I know I am not a good listener. I am trying to correct it but he is soooo unforgiving that if I mess up he then refuses to talk to me. I am so afraid that we will just endup with a marriage of convenience and I want so much more. Do I make a requirement that we go get some counseling? <p>Help!!

Definitley sounds like a little counseling is in order here. <p>What seems to be the problem. I am getting the man set in his unforgiving ways routine. I also see your needs being left unmet as you service his.....if any of this is wrong, please let me know....<p>If this is the case, then counseling is in order.

Well, I don't think you can 'require' counseling, but I would certainly ask him. Sometimes we have to 'learn' to listen and it takes a lot of practice. Somehow I always find myself trying to get 'ahead' of the conversation and prepare a comeback before my H has even finished speaking. He does it, too and we have had to work hard at actually waiting to hear all that is said before we answer.<p>I think if you look, you will be able to remember the reasons you married your husband but sometimes we do have to make a conscious effort to do so. Communication is the key to keeping love alive, I feel. Make a list today of 10, or even 5, things that you like, are admirable about your H. Read the list tomorrow and add to it. <p>I think keeping love alive is darn hard work but why is it, we never stop loving our kids? They do as much to hurt as our SO's do. Yet, we can forgive them anything and never waver in our love for them. And it's completely one-sided with kids...all take, take, take. Why can't we apply this to our spouses?<p>I digress...I think if you are both willing, with some counseling and open communication you can make it work. Read this site. It's full of wisdom.

Dallas;<p>Please take this in the spirit it is intended...Last morning when I wrote my reply it was approaching 1:30 or so....<p>In yours though you say that we never stop loving our kids....isn't that a different kind of love? I mean, Children are naturally needy in what they need from us....they do take and take.....but they give back to us an undying, no holds barred kind of love in return....how many adults do you know that truly have that kind of love in their lives. The kind of love where each person knows instinctively what the other wants and needs and if the other is being too needy...hey that ok, that's what love is about......It doesn't work that way in my relationship....It never has....does this mean that I am doing this love thing wrong????<p>
Just food for thought...

Dallas you have a good question...The reason the love is different is that a spouse is a partner and you expect a certain amount of co-operation throughout. Kids are a responsibility, they never asked for u to be a part of their lives.

freddyb,<p>I understand what you're saying and my question really was why can't we just give a little more of that love to our spouses--unconditional, looking for little or no 'return' on the investment. I guess I'm just in a place right now where I am having to decide how much altruistic love is required for my marriage and how much taker I have. It just occurred to me that my kids lie to me and I forgive them. Why am I so hard on my H?<p>Just wondering. And I always respect your opinions--they are so well-worded and thought out--and appreciate you sharing them. One of the guys at my job always says that he doesn't think there is a person on earth that he can't learn something from and I must say I agree!