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Joined: Dec 1999
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Khyra Offline OP
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How many WS out there have been sexually abused as children?<P>Does the WS have self-esteem issues?<P>Does the WS have parents or parental figures who betrayed a partner?<P><BR>Just some points that may need to make themselves apparant here - hope we get a good turn out of info here. I know the first question is rather personal - I'm not asking for details, but a yes or no will do.<P>Thanks!<P>Carrie<P>

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Carrie<BR>My H is a WS and yes he was abused as a child, prostetuted at a very young age, physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. He felt all he was good for was either sex or money, His A was a brief one with an online stranger, followed by a nervous breakdown, in which the years of abuse came to the surface. I am also a survivor of childhood abuse, although I never had an PA I did have two EA in my first marriage. I think the connection is a strong one, as it deals with self acceptance, self esteem, and self worth. Jenni

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no<BR>yes<BR>no<P>mostly reacting, I think, to the pattern of neglect by spouse. He claimed the right to be left alone, to do what he wanted when he wanted. If you're bored, get a hobby. If you're lonely, find a friend.

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1. No<BR>2. Yes when he hit midlife.<BR>3. Yes, his father left his mother for OW. Went back and forth multiple times just like H.

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a. No<BR>b. Yes, maybe some.<BR>c. Yes, When she was first adopted.<P>Sweden

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No<P>Quite the opposite--he thinks he's Heaven's gift to the world<P>Not at all--they were very much in love until the day he died. She still grieves for him.

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No.<P>Yes.<P>No, at least as far as I know.

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No<P>Yes<P>Not that I know of, but my Dad died when I was 3, so that kinda 'feels' like a betrayal. or at least abandonment.

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No<BR>Yes, absolutely<BR>Not that I know of. However, his father often acted like my H somehow wasn't quite as good as his brother.

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No, I had a wonderful childhood. Loving parents/family. No self-esteem problems. My parents did divorce when I was 25 years old. Both re-married to wonderful people and I have a good relationship with both sides.

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No, she was not abused.<P>I said "no" originally, but I guess I need to change this to a MAYBE. (I asked her today about it and she said she couldn't rule it out).<P>Yes, her father did have affairs when she was in JH and HS. They separated when she was in college and are still separated today.<P>-HD<P>[This message has been edited by HurtingDeeply (edited December 15, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by HurtingDeeply (edited December 15, 2000).]

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Carrie, regarding my wife:<P>No<P>Yes<P>No<P>WAT

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No, yes, no. Interestingly, my H's answers would be no, no, yes (his dad ran around alot, both parents have been married three times, and my H refuses to live his life that way.)<P>I have issues that kind of relate to question 1, but it wasn't childhood abuse.

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<BR>yes-if anyone could tell me i would like to know if this will always have effects on relationships, or if healing can occur and live a "normal" life<P>yes- <BR>no<P><BR>

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I've been the WS, and now my H is:<P>me:<BR>yes (same sex)<BR>yes - serious - depression<BR>no - but I found out as an adult that my mother had been previously married, that her H was a WS, and that my oldest 'sister' is just a half-sister. My mother still doesn't know that I know.<P>H:<BR>yes (same sex)<BR>yes and no --- he's an 'avoider'<BR>not that I know of - he's the youngest of 8 births (7 living siblings). I really can't picture his parents being that way.

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My H is the WS:<P>1. Yes, physically not sexually<BR>2. Yes, thinks he isn't good enough for anything.<BR>3. Yes, both parents cheated on each other-divorced-remarried and cheated again on their new spouses. No wonder, H didn't have a chance.<P>Sil

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Khyra Offline OP
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Wow, guys, LOTS of responses so far.<P>I guessed that I might see a lot more yesses than I have for the questions. I'll have to tally up the results in a few days to see where we stand with these issues.<P>As for me -<P>yes<BR>yes<BR>yes<P>Just hoping to gain some more insight as to why we cheat or get cheated on. I know there are many factors involved, some immeasurable, many more than any formal study could cover.<P>Keep in mind about the sexual abuse - this i often something that people keep secret - you may not even know this about your spouse. I think it happes a lot more than we realize, unfortunately.<P>Keep those responses coming guys!<P>Khyra

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My W is the WS.<P>Physically and verbally abused, but not sexually.<P>I'd say she has serious self-esteem issues.<P>I don't know if there were betrayals, but her parents divorced when she was a teenager. Her mother has re-married, and her father has been through 3 marriages since then.

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My wife is the WS....<BR>No<BR>No<BR>Yes, her father left, was not taken back by mother

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Mu H is the WS, <BR>1 don't know<BR>2 low selfesteem<BR>3 definitly yes ! His father cheated so much on his mother that my H did not at all wanted to become like his father.His father even took my H and his brother over to some of the WS's houses when he was 5. When he did have an A he felt so ashamed about himself and afraid that he was going to go the same road as his father.<BR>

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