Here's how I define destructive posters:

  • Those who gleefully post about revenge affairs, bait and mock their suffering betrayed spouses, and otherwise disrupt the flow of support to any thread.
  • Those who rob a betrayed husband/father of his access to his children
  • Those who use this board to otherwise gain further advantage over a wounded spouse in the legal system
  • Those who forget that the people going through the challenges of exposure, Plan A, Plan B, Plan D are the only ones who have to suffer the consequences of the advice they take here and the advice they ignore, and wield 2x4s with no compassion
  • Those who forget that this is a forum that advocates a process, a method by which has a higher probability of successful personal outcomes regardless of the outcome for the marriage.

However, if we sanitize the feedback here so tightly that any personalized experiences of the application or misapplication of Dr. Harley's principles don't clearly get conveyed, or get edited, Dr. Harley may as well close up a public forum, or only allow himself to post experiences and advice here.

It loses all value eventually as a public-access forum.

As it is, Dr. Harley couldn't do better than to have the success stories from the likes of you Mel, Pepperband, Mimi, Leilani, The Wonderings, Neak, Princessmeggy, MarriedForever, (since I'm coming up with these off the top of my head, forgive me if I leave someone out) and others who have passed the test of time with their marriages in tact. But then there's also the personal success stories where the marriage didn't recover - like SilentLucidity, LilSis, HappyinOkla and many others who don't come here anymore. It's too bad that some of those success stories could really help some who have been posting and enduring Plan B - Petals, Scotland, Hope, Holyheart, HopeEternal - and many many more. That would be even greater benefit to Dr. Harley and those who come here in a crisis. To know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and value in following the system that Dr. Harley has developed.

These vets are missed. It would help if they were here. Once a week. Posting in a successblog. I hope they come back. For the good of Dr. Harley's program.

Cafe Plan B link

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.