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I really think you need to be honest with her. I would just tell her that you are worried and unsettled because of her suicide attempt, and you don't know what is going through her mind. Let her know that you would feel more at ease if she visited son at your place. Suggest doing something together.

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Hi BC, I don't think I've ever posted on your thread before. But this thread is right up my alley. Legal stuff. I have to ask you though, when you say Temp Sole Custody Exporte, do you actually mean you're asking for temporary sole custody ex parte?

If that's the case, what it means is that you're going to the judge without the other party in the case (your wife) and asking him to make a ruling concerning custody of your son. The other party isn't being given a chance to respond in their defense.

If that's the case, at least in Texas, your attorney had to provide sufficient evidence to prove that a ruling of that nature is in the best interest of your child. That's usually by sworn testimony, an affidavit, etc.

The reason I'm concerned is because if you do cave this weekend and allow her to have him unsupervised, then any "evidence" will be moot or she can come back and say well Judge I must not be that scary or why did he let me have him last weekend. See what I mean? You'd have to start from square one. I'd check with your A about this.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Thanks for all the advice. I like hearing more options. Helps with decision making.

PM,
That's what I'm filing. I didn't know what it meant or how to spell it. Thanks for the info.
If I negotiate supervised visitation this weekend and she agrees and then manages to take DS some kind of way against our agreement, Does that hurt her defense? Does that go my way in court?
Once she has him I can't go get him so that would be a done deal until I manage to get him back.

Also,
If I run with him for the weekend, in state, because she won't agree to supervised visitation, can that be held against me or does it show I'm serious about supervised visitation.

I want to heed A and believer's advice about talking to her about this. I'm just worried about the consequences if she plays me.


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Haven't heard from A so it doesn't look like ex-parte is going to be signed this week.

WW never called so I guess she must have somebody else picking her from the airport.

I'm going to leave work at lunch and go pick up DS and bring him home. That should increase my chances of keeping him tonight and hopefully this weekend. She's going to have to come to my house to see him which will make it harder to take him.

I will try to discuss everything with her. If this goes sour and she tries to grab DS and leave I don't know what I can do. If I physically try to stop her then I'm looking at assult. I can't afford to let that happen.

Any advice on how to handle this without getting myself in trouble. Is verbal negotiation my only option?

Thanks


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Can you try negotitation BEFORE she comes to the house? That way you can avoid anything physical...

Also, what about having him stay with one of the neighbors and play this afternoon when she comes over...you could get that letter done like I did...said that only you can pick him up from the friends...I think that it would work in that case...

More prove that you are trying to protect DS...

Just some random thoughts... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
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I don't think a letter with the nieghbors really holds any water legally, but if he's on their property and I'm on their property then they can have her removed from their property. The police will not take DS from me since there is nothing legal between us. I may have to go that route if the neighbors are willing. If not I could do the same thing with my parents. I don't think I can do it at home since her name is on the house too. It's legally her property.

Negotiating with her before is an option if I can get in touch with her.

We'll see


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I just read this whole thread and have to say that you, BetrayedCajun, are one very amazing, mature young man. In one afternoon, I watched you progress thru he!! and grow stronger. I know that it took longer that that in reality...

Even after all this time, I still wonder if Waywards knew what was waiting for them, would they still do it?

Your story isnt' over yet here, but it does make my heart warm to see that even tho we may not get the happy ending we hoped for, we can still be OK in the end.

You are living proof of that.

Who


I am the BW,
He is the FWH
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BC:

I've not posted to you and I've not read this entire thread...just picked up the last part...

Why do you have to be home at all? I would suggest that you just go somewhere else with your son and not answer her calls. Leave her a message and tell her something that son and you wanted to do came up and she can have visitation next weekend. If you are truly truly worried about his safety and her running with him...maybe it's best to just leave with him for the weekend. After what it sounds like she did two weeks ago, I think any Judge would sit up and take notice of the mental instability...

If your A isn't worried about you not giving her visitation, then I wouldn't chance it. I'd rather face the Judge than have an Amber alert issued...KWIM?

I don't know anything about Louisiana law, but if no written Court ordered visitation is in place, then there is no visitation rights per say -- other than reasonable under the circumstances...

hope this helps.


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Oh, and have a friend present. We've had some members here that faced trumped up charges and a restraining order. Be very careful of something like that.

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Thanks Everybody!!

She called from Atlanta, she'll be in tonight sometime and has every intention of taking DS for the weekend. I asked if we could talk about it. She said NO. I am taking DS, it is my right. I told her how I felt about it and she said that she is fine now and she was taking DS. I said OK. I won't be hear when you get home. Then I hung up.

I called the sheriff's dept. I told them the sitch and they said there's nothing she can do if I leave with DS for the weekend. There will be NO AMBER ALERT. I am fully protected.

So I am leaving in a few minutes.

I don't know if I will be able to post until I get back, So everybody hope and pray.

I want everybody to know that I absolutely LOVE each and every one of you. Thanks for all of your help.

God, Please help me and DS. Amen.


BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
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GOOD FOR YOU! I AM VERY PROUD OF THE WAY THAT YOU ARE PROTECTING DS.

I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!


A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
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BC,

My thoughts and prayers will be with you and DS day and night. Clearly she is not "fine now" and clearly she is in denial, so even though it may seem scary, tell yourself over and over and over again that you are doing the right thing.

You are doing the right thing.

You are!

No, I mean it! You are doing the right thing.

As much as you can, try to document WHY you chose to be away this weekend--not "emotionally" but "factually" like for a court of law. Don't be DS's daddy in your documentation...or STBXW's BH...just be a court reporter. This occurred--this occurred--therefore I did this.

Finally, I know it's impossible but try to have fun with your DS this weekend. You will be protected by God's ministering angels.

Your faithful friend,


CJ

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We're home and everything is OK.

I got my miracle Fri afternoon. A called at 5:30. Judge signed the sole custody ex-parte. I was almost to my mom's when I got the call so me and DS spent the weekend anyway.

I came back this afternoon and called WW and told her the ex-parte was signed and that I had temporary legal sole custody.

Any body want to guess what her response was? I knew exactly what it would be and she did not disapoint. This is exactly what she said,

"Why are you doing this to me!!"

So I asked her if she was coming and this was her second pricelss but sad response. This is also exactly what she said,

"Well I have to, I've got laundry to do!!"

You want to laugh at this stuff, but it actually makes me want to cry and I'm about to tell you why. DS doesn't see her as much more than somebody he knows now. Wasn't happy to see her, played with her a little, but not much love or affection. When she left he didn't want to give her a hug or say gooddbye. He got confused and scared and cried for daddy and wouldn't let go of my leg. While she was here WW wanted to watch a video with him and he refused to sit with her. He wanted to sit with daddy.

There is NO satisfaction in any of this. I am relieved about the custody and sick to my stomach that WW has come to this with DS. I have never seen anything like it and this is not good or healthy for DS. It's going to take time to rebuild the relationship between DS and WW. The only way it will happen is if she makes the effort. I can't tell at this point if she's going to try. DS is very confused with his feelings for mommy and it scares me.

WW left with tears in her eyes and in a huff giving me the evil eye at the same time. I don't think she'll ever stop playing the victum.

She never really talked to me the whole time she was here. She didn't ask to see him again. She didn't ask for any info about custody. She did her laundry and left. There is no way in he11 that she is fine and I know that I made the right decision.

I want to thank everyone again for all the love, support, and prayers. It definatley appears that God is looking out for me.

If WW would just ask I know he would look out for her too.


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Good to hear that things went okay this afternoon...

I just want to mention one thing...it was recommended to me that I not contact STBX to prove what effort he will put out to contact his kids...kind of let him hang himself thing...

Just a suggestion to help ensure that you get Primary Dom...

I understand about the R between WW and DS, I have the same problem with F adn STBX...that's his problem, not mine...in the past I told WH and would try to be the peacemaker...I can't allow myself to do that anymore...it's not my responsiblity...

Just sharing my experience and hoping that it helps in some way...

You're doing great...I'm sorry that you are having to go through this...

(((((BC))))


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BC-
I am so glad that everything turned out ok this weekend for you. You are being an AMAZING dad, do NOT ever forget that.

You are putting the best interest of your child in front of everything, and you are providing him with LOVE and SUPPORT, and I commend you for that.

GREAT JOB!

I am also proud of you for doing what you needed to do to protect DS.

You are still being a reasonable person to your WW, and if she ever is better emotionally, which I am sure that she will be, she will be able to see her son more, or on her own. It will not be as strained between her and your DS. It will get better.

You are doing great, I just had to tell you! Pat yourself on the back!

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Rin,
You're absolutely right. I'm not going to initiate any contact between WW and DS. She will have to call or stop by to see him. I'll do whatever I can to get them together, but she will have to make an effort. I can't force her to be a mother.

Sadmo,
Thanks for the support. I am being as reasonable as possible. I want DS to spend time with WW. I keep telling her that DS needs both of us. Hopefully overtime she will get better and life can go on for all of us.

Who,
I didn't forget about you. I was reading your post when WW called from Atlanta. I then had to get a plan and get outa dodge pretty quick.

I am OK. Other than WW I really don't have anything to complain about. Thanks for the kind words.


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I've been at the court house all morning. I've got my paperwork and have already given a copy to DC. Now I'm at home for lunch and will be leaving in a few minutes to hand deliver orders to the sheriff's dept for serving WW. She might get served today.

It feels so good to know that me and DS are protected legaly. I'm calm today.

Oh Rin,
My hearing's on the 26th. I think I got you beat. It's just for the temp custody though. The D hearing is May 04.
I guess nobody's on vacation over here.


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I am so thankful to hear that you got your miracle on Friday and that you and DS are legally safe. Further, I am so saddened to hear WW's response. When will some of these WS's ever get it that it's NOT ABOUT THEM??? *sigh*

Okay, BC--now the clock is tickin'. You have about 10 DAYS to get your legal ducks in a row about why YOU should get permanent sole custody and not WW. You know her better than anyone might...and you never know...she might get a "sick cahoney's" lawyer over this. So, between now and next Thursday, you are going to have to document everything. If you have a calendar, you can recreate a lot of it from your posts here on MB. Just do like I tell Strivn--be FACTUAL and write it like a court reporter. Note times and conditions and that's about it. If your neighbors who told you her weirdness are willing, either have them make a notarized statement or put them on your witness list. The psychiatrist's notes (from the suicide attempt) can be subpoena'ed. Any counselor's notes too. See--a counselor can not just hand HER medical info over to you due to confidentiality, but if they are compelled to do so by a court via subpoena, then they are required to give a copy to the court...and the court will give one copy to your side and one to her side.

I know it may at times feel like you are attacking her personally, but she is clearly in denial about her continuing mental instability and you NEED to protect your DS. You are not making it so she can never see her son--you are making it so your son is safe when he does see his mom!! BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Keep going, BC. You are doing the right thing!!

Your faithful friend,


CJ

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Darn, you got me...

CJ, I'm glad you reinteriated the documenting...I didn't want to harp on the subject...

I'll be praying for you and DS...

Take care and I'm glad that you are peaceful today!

Keep up the good work!


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Well I know what my homework is for the next 10 days. Thanks for drilling me about documentation CJ and Rin.
I'll get started tonight.

I'll also get with my A and see about subpoenaing her medical and IC records.

I dropped off the citation at the sheriff's dept at about 1:30. She should be served today or tomorrow.

I'll keep you posted


BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5
OM1 9/06 - 03/07
OM2 04/07 - present
Divorced May 8, 2008
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