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Joined: Jan 2008
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It's wonderfully encouraging to read these posts and to hear from special people we haven't heard much from in a while (plus some newer ones!) Now I'm starting to sense this place getting its "feel" back..and that's a good thing!

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Yahoo!! Mel's back! Happy Anniversary Mel... this place ain't been the same without ya. It's been like the recipe that's missing that little oomph that only you can contribute. Welcome back!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Thanks PrincessMeggy! Great to see ya! \:\)


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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For me, MBer's was a PERSONAL TOUCH from JESUS...

I was praying to HIM to HELP ME.."I need you, LORD"...

Sat down at the computer and VOILA...

There was MEL AND WAT....


Last edited by mimi_here; 04/21/08 10:31 PM.

I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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What drew me here? Well, not a what, but a who - Larry. (Hi, Larry!) He found me on another site, suggested this one, and along with other people helped pull me out of my fog.

Me at the time - actively wayward, although tired of lies/secrecy, thinking of quitting but wishing I could talk my husband into an open marriage.

The two major discoveries that really tipped the scales for me and led me to change my ways and confess to my husband were 1- that what he didn't know was still hurting him anyway; hearing from BH's that they knew something was wrong before they knew what it was helped wake me up - and 2- that saving the marriage (without living a double life) was a real possibility and confession wasn't a guaranteed trip to divorce court.

As such, 2x4s were sometimes helpful, but not all 2x4s are equal. I personally think attacking someone's general character instead of behavior is likely to backfire for a number of different reasons.

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LaLa...just thinking about you today. Hope you are doing okay today.

When I lost my first lab, he was a gift from my ex wife(given to me on the same day I asked her to marry me), I NEVER thought I would wind up with another dog so quickly...it would seem disloyal. I went to the SPCA to inquire about a dog for my dad and while there, someone brought in a yellow lab that looked so similar to the other as a pup...well, he's still here (although now he is getting close to 10). While it hurt tremendously to lose my dog (and still does when I think about it), giving my attention and love to a new dog(and two other recues since) was helpful.

Dogs are the best people I have ever met.

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Hi all!

Well, I began reading here about April 2007. My DW had confessed her A to me about 2 months prior to that and I was looking for answers to the things I was feeling. I found so much comfort here that everything I was experiencing was normal for someone in my situation. We were completely stuck where my DW wouldn't accept responsibility for what happened and in December 2007 I asked her for a D. We had been through so much at that point, I just couldn't take it any more. That night she came here and started posting. She read everything she could find on the site. She was still very fogged out and if it weren't for the straight talking posters here like MelodyLane, Mr & Mrs W, BK, Tyk, Mopey and MEDC just to name a few, we would likely be in the middle of a D right now. Thankfully, these people were able to get through her fog with tough talk on the choices she had made. It made all the difference in the world. We are still working on recovery, and I do believe we will build a better marriage than we had before. That never would have happened without MB and the posters here. For that, I will forever be in debt to this community.

MEDC,

I just wanted to personally thank you for your contribution and acceptance of my DW LaLa. She has made an amazing transformation from how she arrived here at MB. I am such a lucky man to be her husband and I'm so proud of all the good she is doing for the MB community. You were very much responsible for helping her in the beginning. Still to this day, the quote she mentions most about what helped her see things diffently was from you.

 Quote:
Okay, this was foggy...admitted...let's move past it and on to this post.

Your statement about why vets are leaving the board is also foggy. You don't really know chit from shinola about this board yet. You are a new FWS here...it is most likely better to listen to the likes of Mrs W and others that have risen above what you are still in than to criticize.

One of the consequences of your affair is that may you forever lose the ability to pursue that career. That's what happens when you chit where you eat. If it was so valuable to you, you should have protected it better in the first place.

You owe the other man's wife the truth. You have victimized her and you are just as bad as her H. Give her the truth, be honorable...and rise above this stuff. Until you have given her honesty, you are not living an honorable life.

The attached post was rude on so many levels. I am shocked that a newcomer would be so abrasive to people that are taking their time to help you. I will tell you that I wish you well and hope you find guidance from the posters here. But I have my sincere doubts about your sincerity based on this post. We all can make mistakes by saying stupid things....you did and instead of owning that...you lash out at others in a fashion that makes me question if we are dealing with yet another impostor. If not, lighten up on those trying to help you.


Sadly, I have my doubts that the "Tough Talk" that was used to help change my DW into one of the most respected FWSs(God I hate labeling her) here wouldn't be allowed to happen in the new PCness of MB. What a shame.

Anyways, we have an appointment to have our dog put to sleep tomorrow at 11:15. It will be such a sad day. LaLa is going to be so grateful to see what you just posted. I just had to take a moment and come in here to say "Thank You!" for all you have done from my family and my DW.

Want2Stay


BS-me 36
FWW-34
DS-7 & DS-3
PA - 7/06-8/06
EA - 6/06-1/07
D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06
Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07
My Story
My Wife's Story
---------------------
Healing one day at a time.....
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you're welcome and I am touched.

Yes, you are lucky to have such a wonderful wife...as she is to have a man like you for her husband.

I too worry about if such tough talk will be available for the next person that would benefit from it. Let's hope that the PC thing doesn't go too far.

Thank you for taking the time to post those warm thoughts today. You both will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

MEDC

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I found this site by googling Infidelity five days after Dday.
After reading everything I could on the site, I realised I had been PLan Aing my H during the whole A.

I was lucky, H agreed to immediate NC (bc of my stellar Plan A)
My boundary on Dday was "It's her or me." He knew I meant it, and made the RIGHT choice. ;\)

We got on board with MB principles.

We are 'recovered.'

We have a NEW & better marriage bc of MB.

And bc of all the help & support I received here, I became a better person.

PS Lala & W2S, I am so sorry about your dog \:\(

Last edited by Fraggles; 04/22/08 10:22 AM. Reason: Add P.S.

Me (RBW) 6w5 DFW (RWH) 3w2 Established 1/93 Rebuilding since 9/03
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((((((MEDC)))))) Your post meant so much. It is a difficult time for sure. Poor guy is having a really hard time even breathing right now and it is so sad to see...a little over a month ago, he was as healthy as a pup. This was all just so sudden. Tomorrow will be a rough one! When W2S worked nights, Sonny (and the comfort of his protection) was the reason I slept most nights.

Fraggles...thank you also for your post! I appreciate it!


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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I stay on this board because it helps me tremendously. I've learned so much about relationships on here that I know that I will be much better equipped in the future for my future marriages.

It has also helped me to help others. I heard from a former poster the other day that told me that I and someone else who helped him online helped him stay strong to weather the storm and preserve his marriage. Things are still rocky for him, but they are on the road to recovery.

I've learned a lot from people here who have reached out to me, including Mr and Mrs W, Coachswife, Mortarman, Chrisner, mkz, and too many others to list.

I've laughed with many of you. I've rooted for many of you.

This board is my sounding board of sanity. I never thought that an off topic discussion on getting kids to eat veggies would have so many responses. They were responses which helped me and which my exWW was unwilling to give.

It's been a personal journey over two years in the making and the members of this board are a hidden family I know I can turn to at any time for emotional support. It's one of the only places I can come to to talk about "triggers" and about feelings that are totally normal, but are somehow taken as abnormal in the normal world.

Whether a current BS, FWS, or FBS, the members of this forum are brothers and sisters bonded by a tragic experience but one which hopefully guides us to a more enlightened existence in our own personal lives and future relationships.

This board is a gift to the lost souls out there who are seeking answers and a lighthouse in the dark.


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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What brought me here was Google.

What keeps me here is all of you awesome people....thanks from the bottom of my heart!


If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, you get what you're given, it's all how you use it... Pink
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[threadjack]

LTF your handle always makes me recall that great Foo Fighters song "learn to fly"

" run and tell all of the angels...this could take all night"

\:\)

[/threadjack]


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I originally came to this site because I read and thorougly agreed with Dr Harley's insights and "plans". The MC my wife and I were seeing hadn't really read any of this before us, but used a lot of the same principles to help us recover our marriage from her infidelity.

I also came here after first having started posting on another, similar forum about relationships. That particular forum, while it had a lot of good people providing advice and information, was at the time filled with a lot of spiteful, bitter, angry, hurt people who posted solely to vent their hurt and anger on others. I quickly sickened of that attitude and found this place to be a wonderful haven against that, that still provided the right kind of advice and support to rebuild marriages.

I slowly backed off posting here, and resumed posting on the other site because over the months and years, the situation slowly reversed itself. This place became less of a place where anyone involved in an affair could come to get honest, point blank advice that DIDN'T include personal attacks, and the "other" forum mellowed out considerably under much better moderation than it had had previously.

I've started lurking here since the forum change to see how things go from here with the new moderators.

I miss a few of the posters here occasionally, especially some of the older ones that were here when I first came. Its sad that so many of them are gone.

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Owl:

Interestingly (and sadly, perhaps), I've made the same observation.

-ol' 2long

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Hey Owl!!

I'm really glad to see you after a long absence. I googled "infidelity" like alot of the other people, but it's folks like you and 2long who made me want to stay. \:\)

It looks like people are still trickling in after the upgrade, and maybe some of the folks you miss will still turn up.

So far, I really like the new board.

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Hi Owl and 2long,

I'm not sure which other forum you are referring to. I lurk on several and post on at least one other.

The "nice" site has so few postings you mostly talk to yourself and 2 or 3 of the moderators.

The not-so-nice site supports venting but there just simply isn't much of a systematic plan there. Also - they don't tend to be as concerned with saving marriages as they are with the individual dealing with the insult of infidelity.

So, I still like this place best.


Me = FBS age 51
FWH = age 51
M 25 years, 2 children 16 and 20
D-Day 5/19/05
Recovered and happy
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 Quote:
there just simply isn't much of a systematic plan


EXACTAMUNDO eaglesoar!!! MB is set apart by the awesome PLANS! The other sites offer lots of commiseration, which I think serves only to keep people mired in MISERY...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I too googled infidelity. I needed to know "why", "how", this could happen. I HOPED to find I wasn't crazy, I wasn't imagining the horrible, I wasn't being duped, that I could overcome the wanting to die feelings. And lo and behold MB pops up! There was a PLAN! There was a way! I wasn't alone. As horrible as A's are for me finding others who had experienced the same and overcame was a BLESSING. Finding a forum with such caring people who were willing to walk with me, guide me through what I considered the depths of h$ll saved my life.

To me MB is a very logical plan.

I can't thank everyone enough for posting to me, posting their own situations, the Harleys, everything here, TRULY a lifesafer even IF the M went the way of D, I HAVE hope.


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
ME 47 WH 48
Married 30 yrs.
2 DD,4 GC
Found out
Learning
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I agree...the greatest distinction that MB has going for it is definitely the "plans" that the Harleys put together.

The "other" forum I was referring to has several former posters from MB on it as well (TMCM, Ladyjane, 2long, and others) that often refer to the MB plans to help others recover from infidelity. I normally refer posters to this site specifically for the information, the books, and of course going to the Harley's for counseling as well.

Thanks for letting me know I wasn't alone in what I was seeing, 2long. Your advice is always good to see, regardless of the forum its posted in.

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