Thanks ladies!! Well, I might have been out of the dating game for a while, but after last night's call, I am not TOTALLY clueless!

I know that this is going to have to be addressed,,,it's just a matter of when and how. He's a great guy, that's for sure. I just don't see it going anywhere beyond friendship. The biggest thing is I'm still too hung up on Drac and I have been totally up front and honest about that. Lots of other stuff to talk about in this regard - but it is a whole other conversation for the right time.

All quiet last night. Nice bath and bed. I even overslept! I really HAVE to concentrate on work today,,I've slacked a bit the last few and have lots of projects that have to be done today.

I found myself almost jumping yesterday each time I heard my email beep with a new message. I don't like that feeling. Too much attention to what Drac might or might not be doing. Not good.

So, today, gonna try to lose myself in work! First- a shower! I know,,,,just had a bath last night but I need a wake me up today!

Have a good one.

Well, just taking a few minutes to catch up around here and a quick post before putting Ladybugs and her friend to bed. Although I am sure they will be up most of the night!

Wish I had that kind of energy!

All quiet here, really. Nothing from Drac, as I expected. He got the co-parenting cooperation he was looking for to help him out and that was all it was.

I had forgotten that this week was the deadline for Drac's A to file some paperwork for his 'appeal' on the property settlement. My A sent me copies of what has been filed in stipulation of the actual court record.

She basically had to re-write the entire thing that Drac's A had done. His A is really kind of a loser,,,,,,I wonder if Drac has any idea. I'm certainly not going to tell him. For instance, in this paperwork, his A listed the value that is in 'dispute' as less than HALF of what it really is?! What a dumba$$.

Oh well, that works in my favor. I'd be curious to know how much of this Drac is really aware of or not. I know, I know,,not MY problem.

Ladybugs got vm on both his phones when she called him tonight. I am trying hard not to 'think' about that and the Ho2 I suspect about.

Where is that darn cape and shades? I gotta find them, get them back on, and get darker again. Darn email!

On a good note, I was able to actually accomplish things at work today, so that's a good sign of my getting back on track. Hope tomorrow stays the same,,,,,,,,,,quiet and dark.

Just wanted to pop in and say good evening.

You are doing a fab job, Bugsy. After email contact with PWC, if there is anything eventful, I need some time in the darkness to recoop. Lately, since I told him to stay out of the house and give me the key, he's been very short and sweet and all business with the emails. It has helped me tremendously.

Hi Bugs,


Not a lot needs to happen before our thoughts are back focusing on WS....

SL's comments are ditto for me....so...I guess for a time, this is part of our 'new normal' that needs to be managed (rolling eyes icon if there was one - geesh I really miss them!)

SL,


Glad you got that key back and you are getting a bit of peace. I find myself a bit out of sorts even with 'business' emails this week.

I just got one from Drac,,,,I couldn't sleep and while I was up, checked email and there it was.

Telling me that he's leaving in the a.m. as soon as DSS leaves for school for an annual 'biker' event he's been going to for the past several years. He then tells me he has a new cell phone that 'should work when out of town' and gives me the number.

I am wondering if this was a 'secret' cell that I am just now privy to having the #? Why did he tell me when he was leaving and where he is going? That hasn't happened in AGES.

I really would rather not know. Why do I even care that he's going to be looking at trashy women flashing their b**bs all weekend and doing Lord only knows what else with one or more of them? UGH!! Gotta block these thoughts outta my brain!

Think I'll try a glass of milk and a good book.

Luna,,,,thanks for the support, too!

I've been reading your thread for a while. Dont know if it will help you or hinder you, but my WH started doing that just before he came back.
Course I ended up in a 4 week false recovery, prolly my fault, so keep your boundries strong. It sounds like you do that already anyway.

I'm with lildoggie..


Sounds like Drac may still be reaching out. You're still his lifeline Bugsy. I mean, what if something happened to him out wherever he's going?

It's a comfort thing for him, and he probably thinks it makes him look like the 'responsible' guy.. letting the kids' mom know where he's going to be and how to get ahold of him.

You know this already but the correct response is none at all.. Just file it away and let it go.

You're tough as nails Bugsy, and your boundaries need to be too.. It may be an annual thing for him, but running off to be a big bad biker for a week or so doesn't scream a desire for recovery to me.. or much commitment to Ladybugs or DSS.. take it for what it is, don't dwell on it, and let it go.. just enjoy your time with the kiddos

The KEY is to STAY DARK...SHADES and BATMAN CAPE...

Remember what I said about the SUFFERING and the YEARNING...

Drac's moving from "friendly" to "open".

Hmmmmm what's next?

I suspect he'll be out of contact the next few days while he's out of town. Then you will see more of the same. He will try to tell you stories about his weekend. He will try to engage you with DSS.

Bugsy:

Over the weekend, you will get the Cell phone picture of Drac on the "Kenny Chesny" bike, for you to forward to Ladybugs.....


Just waiting....

You even got the number to his his new "secret" phone.

Guess what, you are now offically the OW to NOho.

Were is that CAPE!

LG

He is RELATIONSHIP-ADDICTED or whatever...

He does not like being ALONE/UNATTACHED...

He will TRY to USE you to MEET UNMET NEEDS...

He sees you as a viable option...

You know, one of the AVAILABLE OPTIONS...to RELIEVE HIS SUFFERING..

We are encouraging you to remain TOTALLY UNAVAILABLE..

In fact, NOW, it's OK for YOU to SEEM BUSY...with your own calender FILLED...

Bugsy,

I believe my sister is relationship addicted. She'll actually make a full blown relationship out of something in the infancy stages. Case in point, she JUST moved away from her fiance. Every day since then, she has been in contact with a guy that she and fiance hung out with. That 'guy' came up here for a few days, and they were inseperable. She's already moved on (she claims she was not cheating on her fiance--but whatever--rolley eye). All that talk she had about getting her life together was [censored]. Her girlfriend mentioned that my sister said something about being IN LOVE with this new guy and ready for marriage. Oh, BTW, he's 25 and my sister is 39.

It makes me sad to see her avoid her problems. I feel the same way about PWC. He's a junkie. If it's not booze, then it's women. BLECH.

Hi Bugs,

...attempts by a WS at breaking plan B does require a lot of discipline to not 'engage' back...and it does mess with our minds and focus, as you can see..

.... in my case, WS was wanting to 'share' about the boys for the sake of sharing, as opposed to just passing on essential info. (I guess it's just not the same sharing about them with OP!).. also the need to discuss their education or coordinate our home routines, all for the benefit of the boys... oh, he was hitting some of the right buttons knowing how important the boys are to me, and I have had guilty feelings over it, but I also thought his attempts were more about enabling his laland 'illusion' of having two women fulfil his needs...

...when it persisted, I reminded WS of PBL terms (open for ANY discussion with him when he was ready to commit to N/C with OP and recommit to family)...and that usually did the trick... as my WS so far has not demonstrated any interest in meeting PBL terms, just wants to do friendly co-parenting, and so, we are now in plan D...

...in your case, Drac seems to want you more in the loop of his whereabouts... giving you more info. than needed... and so on, and as you can see, this will have the effect it's having on you, whenever Plan B is not as DARK as it can be, gobbling up 'brain' time, focus and attention...

At one point you may have to decide whether or not you will insist that Drac respect the PBL terms and you go DARK until he does, or as has been suggested, seeing that Ho is no longer in Drac's life, if you think Drac might be willing to commit to you but only over time... which, as many here have also pointed out, is HIGH-RISK for WS 'cake-eating', loss of respect and according to MB principles is not recommended due to the high risk of a false recovery

...personally, I haven't had to make such a choice, as OP in my case has never been 'out of the picture'...

...sooner or later, because I also think you can expect Drac to escalate contact in the near future, you may have to give him a clear indication of where you stand....I trust in your judgement now given your experience and knowledge so far of what either decision entails in terms of investment on your part...be it emotional, psychological and otherwise!

Good luck, Bugs.

You could just give him the PLAN B LETTER again if necessary...

IF..and a BIG IF..IF, you are interested at all in RECOVERY...

STAY DARK..as DARK as you can be...GO EVEN DARKER..NOW..

And have HIM be the one who is WONDERING and FRETTING about where you are and what you are doing...

From Mimi..who has learned how it WAS for a WS in PLAN B...WHEN the PB was having its effect...

I don't suppose you will explain a little further what it means when Plan B was having its effect.

Hi everyone!

Gee, so much here I want to respond to - - let me try to hit just the highlights

James -

Well, I did fine with the NO response. I did fine with the file away. Working on the letting go. Stayed busy today to help with that part!

Lexxxy -


I am somewhat apprehensive, yet somewhat excited to know,,,what IS next??

LG -

To quote SL - BLECH!

Mimi --

Yes, I see him at relationship addicted - - he does not like being alone/unattached. That is him to a 'T'.

But, seeing me as a 'viable' option,,,,in that regard it's just a stop gap I think.

SL


I'm sorry to hear that you are having to watch your sister do this. It is so painful,,,,,and the PWC. Yep, I think you have it right.

And DOUBLE BLECH on that!

Luna,


Wow! Thanks for having such GREAT faith in me! Maybe I'll get to believing all of that for myself, too!!

Mimi - My sister,,,my guide, my friend!


I know from reading your gift that you know if what you speak. As SL has pinted out though, it's hard for me to believe that any of this has any thing to do with my Plan B darkness,,,or his needing,,let alone wanting me.

So - - here's today.

Co-worker tells me that the word she heard in the grapevine is that Drac and the Ho are "having a hard time right now"

TM from Drac this afternoon, letting me know that the new secret phone is the only one that will reach him where he is for the weekend.

I pick up DSS, then Ladybugs and come home. Am cleaning the pool when Ladybugs comes running to say DSS has had a spill on his bike and has scraped himself up "bad".

Well, that he did. Gash in the chin. Trip to the ER. 5 stiches on the underside of his chin. It was interesting to see his face as we are registering - they ask me if I am MOM a few times and ask for my information. Without hesitation, I say YES I am his Mom and give my info.

He was a trooper. Of course, 14 yr old boys don't cry,,,but he was a bit nervous and I hope that I did a good job of helping him keep his cover.

As Drac is 4 hours away, we called him after seeing the dr. I didn't want to just call and 'worry' him with no information, and there was no way he could have been here in time to 'do' anything.

DSS got Drac's vm. Drac called back an hour later. I let DSS talk to him,,,,,,,,,,told him everything (though I had coached him on the 'facts' to be sure to relate & he practiced with calls to my mom and sis telling them about it).

Drac talked to Ladybugs, but did not talk to me.

I 'thought' about sending a TM to follow up, but there is nothing I can tell him that DSS did not already.

I did call FIL and let him know what happened, too. I'll perhaps update his comments later on Drac.

I am proud of myself. I kept calm. I didn't panic, or get upset or angry - - several OLD reactions to being scared. I was calm, quiet, reassuring, joking with DSS and Ladybugs (she was scared for her big Bro and said prayers in the car on the way to the ER - it was soo sweet).

And - I didn't cry at all! Had to protect DSS's image, ya know!

Now I'm having a chardonnay and they are watching a movie playing with the new kitties.

So,,,,,,,,,,thoughts on the TM from him? Do I send TM about DSS?

Or is silence golden?

This comes from Dr. Harley..the MBer's theory about PLAN B...not ME..

IF..a big IF...

You want a MAN (Drac or WHOMEVER) who will SEARCH HIGH and LOW for YOU..CROSS DESERTS.... SWIM OCEANS....CLIMB MOUNTAINS...

THEN..GET DOWN ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS..

NOT REALLY..but ALMOST...

GOT IT??????????

This is a WWMD moment.....

SILENCE IS GOLDEN....

AS GOLDEN AS the GODDESS

IF

That's a big word.

Ok, so here I do again. Honest answer.

I'm not sure IF I want recovery

OR

If what I really want is remorse and acknowledgment of the wrong,,the pain,,,,,etc etc etc

I belive I have time to think about it for a while yet,,,,