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The fault in your logic, dsd, is that you are assuming there is some sort of commitment that was made between the two people. But what was that commitment in a living together situation? There really is no way to know. All I know is that they committed to living together. But, for how long and what were the terms of that commitment?

If they agreed to be in a mutually exclusive relationship for the duration in which they chose to live together, then yes, it is cheating, but as Pepperband stated, it is cheating, not adultery.

This was the most common dictionary definition of adultery that I was able to find:
NOUN:
pl. a�dul�ter�ies
Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

In this case, there was no lawful spouse, therefore there was no adultery. There may have been cheating, depending on the terms of the living together relationship, but there wasn't adultery.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
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Either way it is a pretty crappy way to treat someone (cheating or adultery).


What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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I dont think this guy would be here if his companion stated to him I will live with you and be committed and use your income untill I deside I dont want too and not tell you anything any different. But dont be hurt because I done it my way without discuusing it with you and your feeling or thoughts dont matter!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I don't think anyone here is trying to minimize his pain. I think people are just pointing out that MB principles may not be terribly effective in this situation, since there was no marriage. I never said there wasn't a commitment, but there may not have been a lifelong commitment, as there would have been in a marriage.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
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When living together, it's fornication, and cheating on your fornication partner is well...fornication and that fornication is only considered cheating when there is an agreement to be exclusive fornication partners.

It's only adultery when one partner or both is married.

What has been left out is was there some sort of symbol of agreement between the two fornication partners?


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Writer not meaning any disrepect to you or anyone else but You and your H had that life long commitment their would have been in a marriage and there was still cheating,lies and what not.It comes done to the morals of the person marriage or not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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One things is for certain.

The OP isn't an OP at all.

They aren't really in the wrong here (unless they happen to be married themselves <psu...I see you>)

He/she is merely unwanted competition.

Mr. W

p.s.- I've been cheated upon and ceremoniously dumped by a long-term girlfriend for another guy but such "pain" was incomparable to my wife's adultery. To me, it's an accepted risk you when you put yourself out there in the dating world. It's part of the bargain that EITHER of you can rightly leave at any moment. Dating-at-will relationship. Cheating sucks...but few of us have ever escaped either being cheated upon and/or cheating when dating. Again, an assumed risk. In marriage (religious or otherwise), it's NOT supposed to be.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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I don't think anything is going to be effective. Didn't she MARRY this other guy? If so, he needs to respect her marriage and leave her be.



What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
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Originally Posted by dsd
so how many people here would of still married their spouse if they cheated on them while dating, engaged,or living together? Why or why not? Just because there is a court paper saying your not married does not mean it is nt cheating and its still betrayal!!!!Church and state are seperated by law.So if you get married by the justice of the peace or you get married at a church it still takes a acommitment by both to make a relationship work married or not. So when your spouse or companion cheats its still cheating and its still hurts Married or not!!!!!!

Can I repeat this for you: The BETRAYED can only color inside the lines FOREVER! There is no grey area anymore. How can there be? When did flirting cross the line to an EA? IDK They MUST have clearly defined lines(Especially for Marriage) It is a symptom of BETRAYAL. Its a defense mechanism. Its that simple. They were probably not so adimant about common law marriage in their "previous life". They probably even have(had) relatives who were common law married. But the BETRAYED HAS TO CALL THEM A "GIRLFRIEND". They have to live by law now in place of judgement because their WS lost all judgement so they no longer can "TRUST IT". DUDE

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You all might care to take a look at my post on Mr W's Absolutely thread. I am astonished to find that I agree with Dude after all.


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Heavens to betsy. What a thread.


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

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DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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So when dating think nothing of someone sleeping or what ever behind your back because it part of the GAME. i dont think so If i was dating some one for a while and they are screwing some one else I want to know committed or not. Thats like a girl giving a guy a BJ on a lunch date and then you kissing her at night after a coffee date

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Originally Posted by dsd
So when dating think nothing of someone sleeping or what ever behind your back because it part of the GAME. i dont think so If i was dating some one for a while and they are screwing some one else I want to know committed or not. Thats like a girl giving a guy a BJ on a lunch date and then you kissing her at night after a coffee date

edit

Last edited by Breezemb; 11/16/09 09:07 AM. Reason: TOS
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DUDE with you on that

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Originally Posted by nexus6
Two single people. No kids. My comment about worrying about me wasn't that I was giving up, more that I need to progress to a Plan B type situation as the current one is driving me insane.

Unfortunately it's not a common law state, so yes technically she's free to walk and do whatever she wants.

Look, I've stated before that I should have "put a ring on it" and that I fell into the typical living together before marriage trap. It was just really easy to let things continue as they were. So enough with the lecturing OK.

Dude, what part of the above is confusing you here? Nexus admits they are 2 single people. He states he does not live in a common law state and that his girlfriend was free to walk whenever she wanted. Where is the gray area here? You've been arguing this common-law thing for how long now? Even Nexus admits it doesn't apply to him. You don't even believe the OP knows his own situation better than you do?


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Originally Posted by dsd
DUDE with you on that

Stay w/ me my friend..Our coalition is growing. We are healing. Join us.

I am Super Man...DUDE

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Originally Posted by writer1
Originally Posted by nexus6
Two single people. No kids. My comment about worrying about me wasn't that I was giving up, more that I need to progress to a Plan B type situation as the current one is driving me insane.

Unfortunately it's not a common law state, so yes technically she's free to walk and do whatever she wants.

Look, I've stated before that I should have "put a ring on it" and that I fell into the typical living together before marriage trap. It was just really easy to let things continue as they were. So enough with the lecturing OK.

Dude, what part of the above is confusing you here? Nexus admits they are 2 single people. He states he does not live in a common law state and that his girlfriend was free to walk whenever she wanted. Where is the gray area here? You've been arguing this common-law thing for how long now? Even Nexus admits it doesn't apply to him. You don't even believe the OP knows his own situation better than you do?

Its common sense. They were married. They just didn't pay the $15 and declare it to the JOP. I'm sure their family counted them as married for NINE YEARS!! That aint a boyfriend/girlfriend. A ring on it(as the difference here) doesn't mean much or this forum wouldn't exist and be so heavily populated..DUDE

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I give up! Nexus didn't consider himself married. The state he lives in didn't consider him married. But, Dude considers him married, so therefore, he is. A higher power has spoken.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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DUDE their most be two super men because my son is in the army airborne div. and thats what he refers to himself as

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Originally Posted by dsd
DUDE their most be two super men because my son is in the army airborne div. and thats what he refers to himself as

He is a brave, courageous man for being inlisted and defending our rights and freedoms. You tell him DUDE says, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP??!!"


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