Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 11 of 13 1 2 9 10 11 12 13
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,722
_
Member
Offline
Member
_
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,722
Try a search for "Mark's Musings". I can't figure out how to post links or I would do that.

If you look in my thread (Want new start- she doesn't), maybe back a ways, you will see his post. I know Mark has posted in my thread and he has some great lings in his sig line.


-SOL
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240

and just for LAUGHS since you co-workers think you are CRAZY anyways.

Crazy talking WAYTURDS

Fog Gibberish

Crazy 2

Dorkisms

I hope this helps TeeHEE


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
Limbo, thanks!

Hey Scot. Thanks! I am reading your story...I am at the part just before X-mas.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Well, it's a bumpy ride. I don't want to spoil it for you but WH still lives with POSOW and I am still DARK. HAHAHAHAHA


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
Darn it!

Spoiler frown

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
It's not the END of my story yet though. It continues day to day. HAHAHAHAHA


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
What are some good responses to the "privacy defense" which spouse's react with when they see that you have snooped?


Quote:
I am entitled to my privacy.


Quote:
You are disrespecting me by looking through my things.


Quote:
I don't look through your things.



Pep, Mel,. Scot - help me out here. I need some short & snappy comebacks to this crap.


Last edited by ChrisInNOVA; 04/02/10 01:11 PM.
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,806
Likes: 7
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,806
Likes: 7
Mel seems to cure every problem with her husband by saying "Knock it off!"

For "I don't look through your things," how about "Why not?" Or "You should."

How about "Well, you should. Married people shouldn't have secrets from each other."

Ever see the pilot episode of Bewitched? There's a great clip in there of Samantha telling her mother "I don't think married people should have secrets from one another." She's right, and that's a perception that needs to get changed.

I've had the exact same conversation with my dad about whether or not I was going to keep things from my wife.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,806
Likes: 7
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,806
Likes: 7
Originally Posted By: markos
Ever see the pilot episode of Bewitched? There's a great clip in there of Samantha telling her mother "I don't think married people should have secrets from one another." She's right, and that's a perception that needs to get changed.


Here it is, right at 5:14:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOkHnFYhr...&playnext=1


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,722
_
Member
Offline
Member
_
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,722
I used "There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. Privacy is for when you are on the toilet. Secrecy is for when you are hiding something."

A month or two later, my WW was upset because I wouldn't allow her administrator rights on our computer. (She has a laptop that she keeps me locked out of.) She confronted me about this and I turned the tables on her.

I said, "you know what, that's great. I agree that we should have each other's passwords and live open and trasnparent. Give me your password for your computer and I'll be more than happy to give you mine." She claimed I was reacting angry and being ridiculous. Waywards......just can't figure them out.

And for Quote:You are disrespecting me by looking through my things.

How about something like "well if you weren't disrespecting me by hiding things from me, I wouldn't be inclined to look."

I defer to those with better comebacks, but wanted to share my experience.


-SOL
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Okay, I am not sure that these will totally follow MB so let someone else weigh in on them too. My instincts are usually counter-MB which is why I need help with it sometimes. laugh

Quote:
I am entitled to my privacy
"You are entitled to all of the privacy you want, in the loo."

Quote:
You are disrespecting me by looking through my things.
"It is disrespectful for married people to keep secrets from each other, want some tea?"

Quote:
I don't look through your things.
I like Markos's responses to that one. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Quote:
I don't look through your things.


That was something my WH said EVERYTIME he found out that I snooped on him(pre-MB it was A LOT, but I always tipped my hand, he went deeper underground and I kick myself everyday for that).

I would always say, "You are more than welcome to, I have nothing to hide," then I would grab my purse and offer it for inspection. He never accepted, although I think he looked in it when I wasn't around but I really didn't have anything to hide.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
WS: I need my privacy.
BS: Ok, I will stay out of the bathroom when you're in it, and you can have your privacy. Everything else is OPEN SEASON.



WS: You disrespect me when you go through my things.
BS: I'm only going through your AFFAIR stuff. Nothing else.


WS: There should be SOME secrets in a marriage!
BS: Okay, fair enough. I won't tell you when I'm going through your stuff. That will be MY secret.


WS: I need to have somewhere that is my own, where you don't hear or see anything!
BS: They call that a vacuum. We have one in the closet, and while you are vacuuming, I will do the dishes. Thanks for offering.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
All great responses, SB, but the last 2 were superb!rotflmao

tl

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Originally Posted By: SickofLimbo
I said, "you know what, that's great. I agree that we should have each other's passwords and live open and trasnparent. Give me your password for your computer and I'll be more than happy to give you mine." She claimed I was reacting angry and being ridiculous. Waywards......just can't figure them out.

Classic. (Unfortunately)

Quote:
How about something like "well if you weren't disrespecting me by hiding things from me, I wouldn't be inclined to look."

To me this sounds like a DJ. I'd keep the "you" out of it. I'd say something like "I'm staying informed about the state of our marriage so that I can protect it."

ETA - nevermind, I just saw Schoolbus' responses.
Love them!

Last edited by turtlehead; 04/02/10 02:17 PM.
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 520
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 520
Chris,

I have not been able to be on MB for some time and just thought I'd stop in and take a look. I saw your post and only read the first page but felt compelled to write to you when I read that you and your H have NO unaccounted-for time.

That makes NO difference unless you spend EVERY waking moment together.

My H is visually impaired, does NOT drive, lives 1 hour from where he works and I drive him EVERYDAY. NO exceptions. I work across the street from him and we talk upwards of 5 times a day at work. His A took place totally at work. Yuk. There were only 2 occasions when he saw her outside the workplace and I was an unknowing participant in getting him there. But that was all. For 1 year he had an affair where he worked. A full-blown PA.

When the few people who know found out, they ALL said, "But how??? You're always together."

When cheaters want to cheat, they cheat. No place is off limits, no situation is unacceptable, nothing is sacred.

I realize this may have already been covered because I have only read your first page, but I felt you needed to see that anything is possible when it comes to adultery.

Blessings to you.

WH2LE


WH2LE

BS(Me)-57
FWH-54
Married-5/26/2001(2nd for me, 1st for him)
DS-30
DD-27
D-Day-05/31/2007
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
LOL!

Thanks everyone..I LOVE those and I'll be using some of them.

If you have anymore, please don't be shy!

Last edited by ChrisInNOVA; 04/02/10 09:29 PM.
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
The SIM Card Reader has arrived. Now I need to figure out how to use it...

Cover me - I'm going in...

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
We got yer six, Chris.

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
This was posted by Spacecase many years ago. I 2uote it from time 2 time, but haven't in a while:

Quote:
The Difference Between Secret And Private

Private matters are those traits, truths, beliefs, and ideas about ourselves that we keep to ourselves. They might include our fantasies and daydreams, feelings about the way the world works, and spiritual beliefs. Private matters, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, give another person some insight into the revealer.

Secrets, on the other hand, consist of information that has potentially negative impact on someone else-emotionally, physically, or financially. Secrets, when revealed either accidentally or purposefully, cause great chaos or harm to the secret-keeper and those around him or her.

Private: I believe in reincarnation.

Secret: I have a wife and a mistress and neither knows about the other.

Private: I got terrible grades in high school.

Secret: I forged my medical degree.

The Difference Between Truth and Honesty

Truth is empirical, demonstrable fact. Your bank balance, todays date, whether or not youre married.

Honesty is about feelings. If youre honest, you are open and clear about how you feel. You can be truthful without being honest and you can be honest without being truthful (the latter a little more difficult). The best relationships, stating the painfully obvious, are both truthful and honest. Trust is built on both truth and honesty, tempered by the proof of predictability and reliability.


-ol' 2long

Page 11 of 13 1 2 9 10 11 12 13

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 28 guests, and 43 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mwid, Shepherd, alg, Pelican89, SRL
71,672 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,526
Posts2,322,544
Members71,673
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5