First here is my intro,
My name is Jeff I'm 29 years old, have been married 9 years and have 4 beautiful children together.
Now, the question at heart, can my marriage be saved?
I'm going to start off by saying that this woman is my world, and I love her to death.
So here's my story: we knew each other for 6 months before being married, we moved in together for 2 weeks then got married, really fast, but was planed. We both knew we were the ones we wanted to spend the rest of our life's with. Love at first sight!
We got pregnant a few months after marriage, so we never really got a lot of time together without children. Our first year was tough, but it was just hormones, and we were both truly happy. We always had arguments and fights, nothing out of the ordinary, and always worked through it together. Now skip forward to 2013, 4 kids later. She says those years were the worst of her life, that I was always crabby and yelling. I can see that, but there was always happiness. Of course I see things differently. Now here are some things that I know and she will admit, she has had Facebook for 5 years now, and ever since, we lost closeness. Every night after bed for the kids time was wasted away on Facebook. I always tried being close, and in turn pushed to be, and when I did, she pushed me away. Now back to 2013. We just bought a house, and everything was going well, so I thought. Well after a few weeks of living in it I found her looking at her exes profile on fb. At first, I thought nothing, then decided to take a look, well in the activity log it was a few times a day for a few months. Well I know there was no contact, and no cheating. She never left the house. And I trust 100% what she told me. Well it caused a lot of problems, I lost some trust, so she got rid of fb on her own. Re registered a few months later. Well after that, she wanted to throw in the towel, told me how unhappy she was, and was wondering what life would been like with him. I promised her I would change, be more patient, less of a slob, and spend more time with our kids. I became a completely different person, I changed into everything she always said she wanted to be. We both agreed to try for 1 year, and if nothing changed and she still was unhappy, we would walk away friends.
We started to go to church, all was excellent, she told me how happy she was agian, and that she has fallen back in love with me. Now we are at the 8 month mark, and it's been the best our relationship has been in 9 years. We are at Mother's Day this year, and I get her a hotel room for the night, to relax for the night. Me and the kids came swimming, then went home. 1 hour later she was home crying in my arms, saying I couldn't be away from you, I just want to be at home with you and the kids. Now, 1 week later, she drops a bomb on me. And this out of no where. Were pool side at home, she looks at me, and says I'm done. Out of no where!!!! Says she faked the last 8 months, and felt nothing. What gives, I have no clue. She doesn't love me and is not in love with me. She won't talk to me about it, and I tried, and she is pushing me away. Things bad, I leave for a week to give her space, she wanted me to. I ask if I can come back, she agrees. I come home, I don't push her, every thing is alright, we are pool side agian, this is about a month later. and blows up, not talking about anything, and tells me stop acting like everything is ok. I'm not I tell her, I'm just not trying to push you.. She storms in the house, and it's done, no talking about it, just left it alone.
A few days go by and I tell her we need to talk about this. Kids are in the pool, and we go in the grass, she's in my arms, and tells me she is depressed, unhappy with her life, she is as nothing but mom. She needs to "find her self". She is in distress. Crying telling me I love you. Then she tells me a year ago when I was looking at my ex, it's because she has no closure. He asked her to marry him, news to me, and she caught him cheating the day before. I tell her I'm sorry, and her closure is he cheated, it could have been after kids and marriage. That's your closure. All is ok for a few days, we ingaged in relation over that course of a couple days. I love you was said multiple times a day.
Now a few days after that I was at work, texting asking about the kids. And end the convo with I love you. She tells me I'm not saying that anymore, I don't love you, I'm not in love.
Now here we are. We got along the entire time, I love you was exchanged once or twice. We had a fourth party, all was ok, getting along. Well since that party I've been pushing her, what are we going to do, I want to work this out. Well now there is so so much anger from her. If I bring it up, she gets so angry, anger I have never seen before. Says she doesn't want to try anymore, and that' she's misurable with me. She's done. And everything I do or say she gets angry about, has been yelling constantly.
I get from her, from little things, that she still loves me. And I see it as she won't go anywhere, so there might be a little bit of try left. All I know is I can't push her anymore. And I'm not.
Is it over? What do I say, or do? Do I just let time heal and leave her alone? Do I give up and leave.
I don't see it in her heart that she wants out, but it seems her mind is made up.
Thanks for the help, and sorry for the long read.

I guess I should add this too. We never really had a chance to have baby sitters, and have been on 4 or 5 dates in 4 years. And one of those we just stayed home and ate dinner together. She will admit, that she is bored. Never really had friends with kids either to spend time with. Now she found some friends and has been close for about 6 months. That's who our 4th party was for. Second time I met them and their husbands. I show interest in them to, but it's hard to get together when between us all there is 20+ kids.
And she is turning 30 in the next few months. Maybe a midlife crises?

Please, I really need some input, it's killing me, and I have absolutely nobody to talk to.

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. Sorry no one has responded. The board can be slow during the weekend.

Have you checked to see if your wife is having an affair? Her behavior has a lot of red flags that indicate this possibility. Don't ask her; just snoop quietly to see what she's doing.

When a spouse says "I'm love you but I'm not in love with you," that means there's a new point of comparison. This is a big red flag and very often points to infidelity.

Put a keylogger on her computer; see if you can get a hold of her phone. Find out what she's doing.

While you are snooping, make SURE you eliminate all your love busters. Don't fight or argue. Be your best.

The reason you should snoop to find out if she's having an affair is because if she IS having an affair, that will need to be killed first. Otherwise, everything you would be doing to become the husband she has always wanted will be in vain.

Well, we don't own a computer, and she is not secretive about her phone. I have recently been on her fb, and no red flags, seen all her contacts, and nothing new, looked through her call log, and nothing. I've had printed call logs from our phone provider, and it's either all me, or family.
There is no way she is cheating, she doesn't ever go out, litierly. A girlfriends house, but has the kids every time, and dinner with these girls 3 times, once with kids, and 2 without, and was home by 9:30 both times. Unless it was during the day when I'm at work, which isn't possible, because of the kids, who are not all in school, but old enough to know sombody came over.
And I trust her 100%, and she is brutally honest, and right now seems like she wants out of it so bad, I think she would be honest.

Threads merged. Please stick to one thread in future.

The ex is probably still in the picture.
Can you afford a private investigator?

At this point, you should snoop (hire a PI) and enter "plan A."
In "plan A" you try to meet her top emotional needs while avoiding "love busters."

Have you read the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley?
Do you listen to his Radio Show?

Your wife's behavior has a lot of red flags. Most people don't even realize they have fallen out of love with their spouse until there is a new point of comparison. Once they are in love with someone else, they realize they aren't in love with their spouse.

Even though you trust her 100%, you would be wise to snoop and find out exactly what she's doing. Even if she's going to a girlfriend's house with the children, there is a way to have an affair or, at the very least, develop an attraction to someone else.

Waywards are rarely ever honest about it.

Instead of simply checking her phone, install a keylogger on it without her knowledge.

We tell people to check for an affair first, because otherwise all your efforts to win her back will be in vain.

Its an affair Jeff. You are wrong to place so much emphasis on her not leaving the house. Women can still be in love without physical contact.

ILYBNILWY means there is a new point of contrast. Usually a fantasy the spouse cannot compete with. Often FB or online games cause affairs based purely on fantasy. It destroys marriages even when the partners are continents apart.

My guess is every time she's tried to end it one or both have them have caved and renewed contact somehow.

I'd treat this as an emotional affair at the very least, snoop and get your proof. Perhaps a hidden affair phone is being used.

In the meantime - Plan A!

Owning a computer is irrelevant, since both of you obviously have free access to the Internet. Facebook is a red flag all by itself. You have some rather odd ways of validating honesty. Honesty is not proven by citing situations where it is present, but rather by looking at instances where accountability is absent. We already know that your wife has used Facebook in the past to get into trouble. Otherwise, she would not have scared herself and tried to drop it on her own. She took it back up again, which points to a probable addition. Many unhappy wives who are addicted to Facebook are using it to conduct an affair. Your wife has plenty of opportunity to conduct an affair, and all the signs are there that indicate she is doing just that.

Believe it or not, this is the biggest sign (aside from ILYBNILWY) in your post of an affair.

An affair is like an addiction. She will have starting getting attention from her ex as 'harmless' flirting, thinking she could make him regret cheating on her. When it's spiralled out of control and she is logging on x times a day, it will have scared her and she would not have liked the idea of losing everything for a cheap ego boost. So she quits Facebook. Then helplessly, the addiction draws her back in.

People in affairs are heavily depressed and irrational and you cannot make them happy. Like any other addict, every once in a while they will make a vow to quit (the affair partner is commonly a loser) and they will act like it's a huge reunion with you even though you have been there the whole time. Quite hysterical and weepy, clinging to you as though they have just escaped the jaws of death. However she gets sucked back in again to the affair shortly afterwards.

It's pretty easy to get a phone with internet access, hide it from your husband and then make sure nothing he does can possibly make you happy. Having tried a few times, she is now of the opinion that she cannot quit and it is easier to blame you. Easier to cheat on a sinner than a saint. Anything nice you do will offend her conscience.

We see what you are describing all the time. If you snoop, you will find proof within a few days.

Agree with the others. Its very clear that your W is having an affair.

Note: Do NOT try to talk to her about this - do not beg, plead, badger and try to get her to admit it. That's the route MOST folks in denial take. BIG MISTAKE!

Be pleasant, keep the house nice, take care of the kids, avoid lovebusters all while QUIETLY snooping.

This is very fixable but you need to listen to us and follow the plan....

This is an affair, there is no doubt in my mind. This is exactly how a person in an affair behaves.

Are you ready to get to work to save your marriage?

I want to save and fix it, regardless if she is having an affair. I don't know how else to snoop, i have full access to everything. Well things got so bad, I left tonight. I just couldn't handle the anger anymore. How much does a pi cost? And how long would results usually take?

PI's usually get results within a couple days (from what I've read on this Forum).
Others have told you how to snoop: GPS on car, keylogger software, etc.

My wife had an "affair phone" she bought at Walmart for $20.

You cannot save a marriage while there is an active affair.
You must first kill any active affair.

Jo get back in your home. Don't leave permanently or let her change the locks.

Treat her anger like that of a drunk. Its not anything to do with you its her own bad choices making her act out.

I plan on going home, but not yet, I need a little time to cope with this whole thing, it's putting me in such a deep dark depression, and I don't want my kids to see me like this. Regardless of what it is, or what's going on, I want to repair it. I love this woman with all my heart. I know my self, and I know life goes on, but I could never be happy with another person.
What do I need to do? I know right now, that I need some time to myself, and I want to give her a little time and space.
What is a key logger, and can I get it for iPhone? Is it traceable in any way from her? Would I always have to get a hold of her phone to check it?
Everything I looked for says the iPhone needs to be jail broken, and that's not an option.
And I ask if it's traceable because she was having problems with the phone a few weeks ago, and she googled what was going with it, and said all the symptoms were the same that they would be if the phone had spy ware on it, and she accused me of putting it on there. So she said she was going to have it checked from the phone store.
So a logger/spyware is already in her head.

What I did get out of her last night, is I'm sorry that you are hurt so bad over this. But I'm sorry, I just don't love you anymore. Yes I agree that those 8 months were the best we had, and I did have feeling from it, but I wasn't 100% there. I took a look at my life, and realized I am only going to be 30 years old, and I don't picture myself with you when I am 80. I love you, but I don't love you like a wife should love a husband.

Please listen very carefully to the posters here. The proclamations your wife is making are called fog babble. She is feeding you this babble to manipulate you. This form of manipulation is called gaslighting. If you buy into it and react to her brand honesty you will be rendered powerless to stand up to her addiction to the affair. The I don't love you dies hurt but it's more an indicator then anything. Your reaction (to leave) is helpful in that it allows your wife to entrench her affair. Learn to make statements in response in a non reactionary fashiont and support your marriage. When she says she does not love you say "I understand and fortunately we can renew our love with a plan. I believe in our marriage" you are going to take the bull by the horns and stand up for your marriage. Not walk out of your marriage home in defeat or a sense of being less then.

For the depression see a doctor and temporarily start an antidepressant. This is a battle you have to fight and its going to be painful.

That is all affair fog babble. In recovery, the above turns into "I have no idea why I said that. I was just messed up."

Check out the forum on thus site called Operation Investgate. There are numerous ways to snoop. Start with a PI if you can. The fact your wife is worried she has as spyware tells you something. Do you know your wife's login to her phone? You should be able to figure it out.

Jo, check this out in OI forum...

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2805367#Post2805367

Please read Men, Do not leave your home

Check out that thread discussing http://www.teensafe.com/

LTL

Hire a PI. Private Investigators

You realize that this is already in her head because she is an affair, right?

I don't get the sense reading your postings that you understand that there is absolutely no "repairing" anything until you kill the affair.

I would stop trying to convince her to work on the marriage or argue with her about what she said 8 mos ago, etc. Just follow Plan A - you are working on the marriage regardless of what she says, you are being pleasant calm avoiding lovebusters, marriage talk while you QUIETLY get evidence of the affair. Which should be doable especially ifif you stop badgering her about marital issues. This is just lovebusting for both of you and keeping her on guard.

In addition to spyware, you can also set up a VAR in her car and any room in the house where you think she will use the phone if you and the kids leave her alone for a few hours.

If you are unwilling/unable to do these things then the best thing to do is skip all of that and just hire a PI as others have suggested.

x2. The reason you are depressed is because you are listening to her drunk rambling nonsense.

It will hurt if you believe her. Don't.

We have heard all of this word for word from other wayward wives. Once they are out of the affair they do not even REMEMBER saying this stuff. Ignore it and snoop.

You are getting perfect advice and need to open your eyes. The same fog babble script your WW is giving you has been heard on this board hundreds of times. I have heard the same thing from my fWW and I have seen 30-40 threads over the past 8 months with the same script.

SHE IS IN AN AFFAIR, I can almost guarantee it. Get 2 VAR's (voice activated recorder) and put one in her car (stick it under a seat) and hide one in a room in your house that you notice your WW takes her phone.

Don't listen to anything she says, she is in the throws of addiction right now and everything she says is like a drunk babbling or a drug addict. They say anything and everything to get left alone so they can continue their addiction.

I am not an expert on MB like many others here but I wanted to share some thoughts given my recent experience with my husband.

I trusted my husband fully. I shouldn't have. He had a 4 year affair with an ex when he became on happy with life in general.

I felt happy and loved. My husband continued to be attentive and loving.

I didn't think my husband had time to have an affair. Mostly electronic communication though they spent a few days together each year. He managed this by lying about his whereabouts. He used common situations to explain his activities. He said he was spending the night with a friend who was having a gathering at his cabin (which he has done before) and going boarding at the local mountain. He actually went to that mountain (with her) and spent the night at a lodge w her. So he had pictures from the mountain, reports on the weather, etc. He kept his lies as close to the truth as possible.

My husband became an excellent liar and covered his tracks. He deleted threads online, removed her from Facebook and then established a secret email account, he made sure to close out the account so it was never in the browser and never downloaded the app, stopped for few minutes on his way home (said he was running an errand) to talk to her.

My husband did not end it on his own. I found out and then he had to come clean. Even then he didn't admit the extent. I had to seek the info myself.

My point is, even a busy person can manage to squeeze in an affair and can cover it up. An affair can last even with little physical contact.

(Check her Internet browser history on her phone. Of course, even that can be deleted.)

t/j April, I bumped your thread. Please respond to posts and update. Thanks.

Tee safe is out of the question, I don't know the password, and can't ask, she will know something's up then, dead giveaway.

And something I've noticed, this started about 2 weeks ago, she cringes away when I touch her, even if it's to lend a helping hand. And it wasn't like that before that, I was giving her massages with no question before that.

How do you plan to snoop?

I have no idea, my heart is telling me not to, my brain is telling me to. I kind of don't want to know if it's true or not, because if it's not, and I get caught, I'll look like an [censored]. I've been trying to figure out a way, to walk around it softly. I guess if I decide to, it will be var, but I don't think there is a hidden phone, I would have found it by now.

Can you hire a PI?

Depends on cost I suppose.

Will you call and find out? Private Investigators

Why are scared of getting caught snooping? If you do simply say we are married and we should have transparency. If there is an objection, then you know why.

So after everything going on with my story here's the link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2810654#Post2810654
My wife admited to cheating on me with her ex.
She's said it's been 2 years, and has only happened recently 1 time, so mostly in a year.15-20 that she's been with him. The recent time was right after our my story in the link happened.
I'm hurt!!! Not mad, not angry, but hurt. She just told me last night.
Well she says she hates him, and will never go back. She also says she isn't in love with me anymore, and still wants a divorce. Well she just came up to me and gave me a hug and started crying, asked do you hate me? I said no I'm hurt, but I don't hate you and I'm not mad at you.
She is feeling extremely guilty!! I can see the pain of it in her eyes. I told her I forgive her, and want to still try to fix things. I don't know why I'm so calm about it, weird.
Well she says I'm sorry, I still don't want to be married to you, because I'm not in love with you.
Now my question is is the part she doesn't want to be with me because of the guilt? Does she still have feelings for me? Can I save my marriage? Please help!!

Have you exposed? Is the OM married?

Threads merged, please stick to one thread.

I'm so sorry for the pain she is putting you through.
I've been in your shoes Sir.

Sir, This is what you posted a few days ago.
She is having an affair and you need to understand that you cannot trust anything she says and she is not brutally honest.

Affairs are based on deceit and dishonesty.

Your first step is to EXPOSE the affair. It should be strategically exposed far and wide to all family and friends, clergy and the affair partners family and friends (including your children).

You should first read the Exposure 101 thread.
Please read that thread and then come back here.
Stay focused, Sir.

Wouldn't this just make things worse? I want to fix them, not make them worse

He is divorced. Funny thing is he cheated on my wife when they were dating.

Of course not, Sir!
Dr. Harley would encourage you to EXPOSE. You need to do this instead of sitting on your hands.
If you want to save your marriage you need to read the EXPOSURE 101 thread and then return here.

The only way to fix your marriage is to bravely expose the affair.

Your wife will be horrifically, hissing and spitting mad

and

by the way.......she is not done with the affair.

She is gaslighting you to keep you on the line. You offer her things that her affair partner doesn't and vice versa. She needs you both.

She wants a divorce in order to continue her affair.

When will you be exposing?

Yes that's pretty typical. Dr H says men who pursue married women are universally - in his exact wording 'losers'.

The OM sees your wife as easy meat. He probably sits on FB all day looking for old girlfriends who are married and seem bored or are going through a rough patch.

Married woman = part time 'fun' relationship.

This will likely be an easy one to bust up if you do a full exposure on all sides without warning. If you do it as described in the exposure thread EXACTLY.

Without Exposure:
OM and WW get to stay in their bubble. They only ever say what the other wants to hear to protect this very fragile bubble. They talk about their fantasy future life together. At home, WW continues to act like you have lice, blame and blow you up in the security you will roll over like a puppy and take it. It's not long before she's gone, and has taken you for just enough money to make her acceptable (for a while) to the OM.

You will have already tried to talk sense to her - that doesn't work. Only exposure does.


With Exposure:
OM runs for the hills. He was only in this for the fun of it. WW is facing a bevy of disappointed relatives who want to know is she going to work on her marriage or run off with a play boy? She is furiously angry with you naturally, but there is no denying that you fought for her; he ran.

Your marriage can survive her temporary anger - it cannot survive the ongoing impossibly perfect fantasy of a secret affair.

Besides which - what have you got to lose?

We've had former wayward wives describe their husband's as heroes for not giving up on them once exposure has delivered them from the fog.

It's not a guarantee but Exposure will show you IF there is any chance at all.

Well I exposed her to her mom via text, I don't know if she believes me or not, she didn't respond, and won't talk to me at all. I called the lover, and his ex wife.
I don't know if my mil said anything to my wife, because this is what would make her the most mad. So the exposer is out there.
She's not in the slightest of mad.
Now, I talked to my wife, and she has a lot of hurt from it, won't look me in the eyes at all. She says she still wants divorce, but he is not the reason. She is just unhappy, and not in love with me.
But it's funny, the past year of our marriage was the happiest of our lives. We worked a lot out, and both fell back in love with each other.
Now, she had no contact with the lover for a year, the happiest year of our marriage. Well a few days after Mother's Day he called her for the first time in a year, well it was a exactly 3 days after that she dropped the bomb on me about not in love with me. She is swearing up and down she doesn't want a divorce because of him, and would have wanted one if he called her or not. I call bs!!! It's too strange mothersday she was tellin me how much she loves me, and how happy she is. She says she has no feelings for him and wants nothing to do with him, and is disgusted by him, after the last time. So no, I don't think the affair is off. He is blocked on fb, and I blocked in going and out going calls and texts from her phone from his number.

Has she written a NC letter and you send it?

She needs to change all her contact information. He will call her from a different number and get through.

Of course she is gaslighting you to say she wanted the divorce before. You're smart to see the BS.

I would finish your exposure today. Have you contacted OM's parents?

That is not exposure? What about the other targets?

ALL targets have to be hit in one day for it to work. If you just expose to a few people you just piss them off to no effect.

Can you go get OM's key Facebook contacts copied into a word doc NOW before he blocks you and prevents a full exposure?

Did you read the exposure thread?

Can you get your MiL on the phone and talk to her?

No one cares what your wife says either. Typical fogbable.

It doesn't matter if he blocked you - make a different account and look him up that way.

Then come back for guidance.

You are all talking to the most technologically disadvanced person out there, all I have is a phone to work from.

Is it normal for her to be so angry with me, because I still want to fix things? If I ask about the affair she is calm as can be, and sympathetic, but if I talk about not wanting a divorce, then she blows her top, is this normal?

YES it is normal for her to be angry. All wayward wives act like spitting cats. You MUST expose asap.

If you don't expose properly you've just pissed her off for no good reason.

DID YOU READ the exposure thread?

Can you call up a friend who is good with FB and get him to check out OM's profile?

Can you look OM up in the phone book and find parents, relatives etc?

What about the rest of your wife's relatives? Can't you just call them?

What about your relatives?

You seem more interested in chatting to the one person who already knows - your wife! Ignore her for now and get the job done. It will be weeks before she is worth talking to if not months.

If needed, have someone help you do a full EXPOSURE.
You need to get this done ASAP.
Also post the OM and your story on www.cheaterville.com

Any good recovory soft ware that I can get deleted messages off an iphone? The phone isn't backed up, so iTunes or iCloud back up won't work. I need to pull them directly from the phone.

Ok, so the affair is squashed. I got text data off her phone, and she actually broke it off a month ago with him. She actually had some nasty words to say to him.
She still wants a divorce, still says she is miserable with me, and is not in love with me. I'm guessing this is still all part of the way word fog.

Is there anything I can do to help lift this fog? Anything to speed up the process of it all? Do I just act like everything is as it once was, and treat her the same, as a loving husband?

Sir, you continue in plan A, which is meeting her emotional needs and avoiding any Love Busters.
Basically, just bend over backwards for her to try to win her back.

This needs done Sir.

She is at it agian, this time it's worse. With her best friends husband. But it's different. It is emotional, 6 weeks and they say they are in love. They decided last night to tell us both, and believe me there is full exposure. Wtf to do now?

Did you ever expose the first affair? You are going to be firefighting constant affairs until you rally your troops and get help.

You say you've exposed this time - what's the reaction been and who has it been exposed to?

Yes, and me and his wife. But they are in love

They aren't really in love, it's an affair for goodness sake.

WHO has the affair been exposed to and what is the reaction? Will her/your/his family/friends oppose it?

Who all have you exposed to?

Sir, if you want help stop being vague and start answering questions.
Have you exposed your wife AS INSTRUCTED IN THE EXPOSURE 101 THREAD?
Did you post OM on www.cheaterville.com and send a link to family and friends?

Everyone they know!!! It's funny, he chose his wife. Yes I did the 101

Who did you expose to on OM's side?

Sir, you need to post more details if you want advice.
What do you mean he chose his wife?
Did you post these OM on www.cheaterville.com?

He chose his wife, they had a plan to tell us, then leave together, well he told his wife, and wants nothing to do with mine now. Sent ww a text saying we are done, I want to be with my wife. Every body they both know family, friends, face book list. Everyone. My wife is upset, being hard on her self, sorry she hurt me, sorry for her self, laying down, almost not functioning. This am she needed him and needed to talk to him, but that has calmed down, especially since he texted her saying was off, and she actually talked to me, and gave emotional feelings. Actually cried on my shoulder.

Crocodile tears.

She isn't the least bit sorry for hurting you. She is only sorry for herself. More likely, it is all an act to throw you off track while the affair goes underground.

Sir,

What do you want?
I dont understand why you post these short vague updates and then dont ask any questions.
She was having an affair with a few men and one of them dumped her when his wife found out. That's why Dr. Harley encourages exposure.

Do you want to follow Dr. Harley's methods? If so, you need to expose all of her affairs. That is the first step

We know what her reaction is, we need to know who supports you.

What do you mean who supports me?

I do know that the affair is over. I'm not sure anymore what I want to do anymore. She was prepared to leave me, and jump out of this marriage straight into a marriage with him. Is it worth it on my end to try to save anything? I'm so confused it's not even funny.
I've been here for her, and I still feel love for her, but I'm not sure it's worth it any more. She is full of regrets, and accepts full responsibility. She is angry, not at me, but at him. She feels like she was a puppet on strings. They told each other how they were going to take care of each other, she was prepared to give him a marriage that she gave to me. She is sympathetic towards my feelings, as I am hers, it's strange, because I sort of feel an emotional attachment with her again. I was in bed crying last night, and she has been sleeping on the couch, and she came and climbed in bed with me, and cuddled me. She told me she never realized how much I love her until these past two days.
I am just so confused, I don't know what to think, what to feel. I want to push her away right now, but no matter how I try to, I can't. I haven't said any mean words to her, I just want to be her support right now, but in the sense I don't.

I'm sorry that I don't ask a lot around here, I don't know what to ask, I don't know what to say, I don't even know how I feel.

Both the affairs are exposed fully, shoot I even exposed them both to each other. They are both done, one was just sex, and she left that one for what she thought was love. Every body the all 3 know they are exposed to. She actually lost a lot of friendship over this, because that new group of friends I told you about, straight dumped her, because the affair happened with a couple from that group.

Sir, I can tell you what to do:

FOLLOW DR. HARLEY'S PLAN.

Do you have his book Surviving an Affair?

If the affairs have been fully exposed, the next step is for your wife to commit to never see or speak to these people again. She will need to implement Extraordinary Precautions in her life and you will need to move out of the state.

Someone will post the Extraordinary Precautions list soon.

Are you willing to follow Dr. Harley's plan to recover your marriage?

I've been thinking, and yes, I am prepared to do whatever it takes to save my marriage. I still love her to death, and I still can not picture my life with out her.

Things are very strange right now, she lost everybody she had to talk to, and I have been the only one here for her. I just sit and listen to her, no matter what she has to say. She told me she never realized how muched I loved her until now, even now, after she betrayed me, I am still more concerned obout her feelings, and pain over my own. She is very regretful, she says that she feels an emotional bond with me from these past few days, and can't believe what she has done. She said that she looks back, and always knew how close I was to her, and she just ignored it, and was blocking her feelings for me. It's very strange, because in such short amount of time, we are so much closer. Something happened last night, and we engaged in relations, out of no where, it just happened, out of no where, and we couldn't and didn't want to stop. I thought I could never touch her again. It's just weird, because I know it's there, but it's almost like nothing happened, just that fast, how do we both feel a bond again. She has even told me she loves me, and I haven't heard those words in so long.
We are both prepared to make a happy marriage now, we are going to start counciling in a week.

Sir, you are not listening to me.

Marriage counseling would be a horrible idea at this point.

If you have exposed all of her affairs, then the next step is NO CONTACT.
She will need to write a No Contact letter to all of her affair partners and the No Contact letters should be mailed by you.

Please let us know when this has been done:

The above has been done via text, with her number changed shortly after.
So if no counciling, what is the next step?

Have you listened to the clips in here? Beware of Bad Counselors

Did she send it to both men?

You need to be following the steps in Surviving an Affair.
Do you have this book?

No I don't have the book, yes, sent to both, and I will listen to the clip now

Sir, if she sent the NC letter to both men and you HAVE exposed her affairs to family and friends then the next step is to implement EXtraordinary Precautions, which you must both commit to following.

So there has been no contact, since last Thursday. The past 3or 4 days my ww has been saying she loves me, and wants to work through this. That she is commited, and will do anything to make things right.
Now today, she is saying that she is not 100% commited, and don't think we should continue. She says it has nothing to do with him. Is this just part of the withdraw talking? What do I do?

Yes it's part of the withdrawal.

Is she on ADs? How much UA time are you getting? Are you going out on dates? What are your plans this weekend?

Yes we have been spending a lot of time together, there has been a lot of honesty, no dates because I just got laid off, and don't have the extra money. Last night she told me she does love me, and never stoped, but right now she is heart broken over him and doesn't feel like she is in love with me. No she is not on ad.
She saying the past week that she felt she felt she could work this out with me, and the past 2 days she has not felt like that. She has been saying I love you and today she says I can't force her, and she does not feel she is in love with me and is unhappy. But a week ago it was she was unhappy because her feelings were blocked by him.

So what do I do give her a little space now?